welcome to camp telophase

Actually he didn’t say this but hey I have a series going.

FFVII Rebirth, in addition to the thrilling Zamboni, valve, and lurching gameplay, also has slowly-opening-a-door gameplay!

Also you can’t pet the cats or Red XIII. This game is bullshit.

(In the roughly 2-3 hours of introductory gameplay it really is making a case for being FFVII: The Filler Episode. I swear to dog if Vincent Valentine is in this for only the last five minutes of the game, I will throw the controller through the window. (myrialux is actually playing so I can’t do it without wresting it from him but you get the point.)

Oh shit they’ve got a dragon. Or we’ve got a dragon. Somebody’s got a dragon!

(after being bathed in dragon flame) The dragon is not on our side.

…but I just heard myrialux tell his online gamer buddies “I don’t know how but I’m carrying five medkits and wearing only a leotard.”-- Sent from my Apple ][e

I bought a copy of Cyberpunk 2077 for myrialux. It’s been out long enough that the hilarious but game-destroying bugs have been patched (and the PS 5 version had fewer of those anyway). He’s been ignoring the main quest of the main character, V, in favor of side quests to level up, so that may be the reason that neither of us have figured out why so many gamers love it, because far it’s merely adequate. Ah well!

(After almost driving V’s car into the bay, because there’s no railing.) What the hell OSHA shit is this? It’s the future! Deregulation! It cost money!

Hahaha, I love this. hacks into cybered-up dude and reboots his eyes before bringing him down That’s some Ghost in the Shell shit.

[The game has the usual thing where you pick up random junk from everywhere because it’s either good for crafting or you can sell it. V managed to pick a piece of pizza up off the street and sell it to a dealer.]

[when hitting the “loot all” button on a downed enemy.] My God I took his shorts.

V has picked up so many guns she must look like this meme: https://reddit.com/r/memes/comments/xx08ts/i_know_why_russia_has_bad_guns_this_guy_took_all/

Mongols just standing there minding their business, then I came in and fucked up their Christmas...hey, that rhymes!

(sees red enemy outline around dogs) Are you going to make me kill dogs? Dammit. I’m going to try to kill everyone but dogs. (Did he? Did he? I’ll let you speculate on that!)

(Fighting a Mongol boss) I don’t speak douchbag, sorry.

Sorry about the mess! Most of that was the Mongols!

(grabbing supplies and steel from peasants before riding out of town.) Grabbing supplies! These are, um, Mongol supplies!

(an enemy starts shooting at him while he’s fighting another) No! No arrow shit!