telophase: (Default)
telophase ([personal profile] telophase) wrote2011-03-24 05:44 pm


Okay. So I'm getting my hair cut at the salon I go to, which moved to a more ... not downtown, as it's still a mile or so south of downtown, but certainly a more hip, "up and coming" neighborhood, which is code for "the crack dealers are moving out and the trendy artists are moving in."

As part of the vibrant street life there's this raving street preacher who wanders in every single day right about 3:30, and since I always go at 3, he wanders through in the middle of my haircut (which means I have no real idea what he looks like, as my glasses are always off). He writes his own sermons. They're not very long, as he hand-writes them on printer paper or notebook paper in large handwriting. He reads the sermon off with no regard for punctuation, and if he's got an invitation to a prayer meeting at the end of it, he launches straight into that with no pause, which is a bit disconcerting.

The staff listen to him politely, say "Praise Jesus" if he says "Say Praise Jesus!" and then he leaves, leaving his handwritten sermon behind. I do not know if he writes a different sermon for every place he visits, or just copies the same one out by hand. Anthony, my stylist, keeps the sermons in a folder and claims he's going to put them into a coffee-table book, and give Preacher Guy, whose name I've forgotten, a copy, and keep one for the coffee table in the waiting area.

Today Anthony showed me what he terms the Scary Jesus sermon, which is one on which Preacher Guy drew a picture in ballpoint pen and pink highlighter. When he gave it to Anthony, Anthony said "So who's this bad guy?" pointing to the picture, whereupon Preacher Guy was slightly affronted and said "That's Jesus!"

And when I looked at Scary Jesus, I thought he bore a distinct resemblance to James May from Top Gear.

If you don't believe any of this story, I present you proof! Page 1 of the sermon, along with Scary Jesus and James May side-by-side:

And see?


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