telophase | So...today's question

...which should produce some less emotional results than yesterday's question about the info page. :)

mistful reviews Justine Larbeleister's How to Ditch Your Fairy in her inimitable way (which has the singular distinction of being the only review that makes me want to read the book):

To say I am not sporty is like saying a giraffe is not short, and the sky is not bright pink. I used to run cross country with a book in hand, and every Sports Day I tried to cheat. If I lived in an Enid Blyton novel, I would be beaten with hockey sticks until I learned the error of my unsportsmanlike ways.

The main idea of the book is that everyone has an invisible fairy that gives them some sort of advantage, whether that person wants the advantage or not: the all-the-boys-you-like fairy, clothes-shopping fairy, a charisma fairy. The main character has a parking fairy.

mistful points out a flaw in the book, and asks a question:

The flaw in this book is that while it examines how a fairy can give you gifts that should be helpful but go wrong (like the 'all the boys like you' fairy) it is clear to me that there are also evil fairies which deliberately and maliciously give you obviously terrible gifts. I for one have the Bad Hair Fairy and the Never Even Remotely on Time Fairy: what bad fairies do you guys have?

My response in the comments, reposted here, is:

I used to have the Ask Me If I've Found God Fairy, but it's been traded in for the Ask Me For Directions Fairy. Seriously. No matter where I go, people stop me and ask for directions. On the campus where I work, in cities I go to, in other countries.

My mother didn't believe me until we went to London and a vanload of Lebanese men flagged me down and asked how to get to Victoria Station. And later that day, a gaggle of giggling Japanese girls stopped me and asked how to get to Trafalgar Square. And in Paris, on another trip with Mom, two French men stopped me and asked for directions. Even when I was in TOKYO, I had a South Korean guy stop me and ask for directions.

Either I look like I always know exactly where I am, or there's something about me that says I HAVE A MAP. Which, in all honesty, I usually do when I'm in an unfamiliar city. :)

So. What's your fairy?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You already know this (and personally observed it in Japan) but I have a Weird Stuff Happens To Me Fairy.

Here's proof: http://rachelmanija.livejournal.com/tag/it+could+only+happen+to+rachel

Perhaps this is the most telling incident: http://rachelmanija.livejournal.com/613115.html

Heeeee! I'd forgotten about the Juice Incident. XD

My friend Clint has an If You're Crazy, I'm Sympathetic Fairy that causes all sorts of loonies, people off their meds, conspiracy theorists, and religious nuts to wander up to him and start explaining their theories and delusions to him.

Boy, I have that last one, which I have dubbed the Please Rant at Me Fairy.

The Ask Me For Directions Fairy blessed me from the beginning. Most extreme example: Summer 1990, I'm in Berlin on a bike trail that used to be the minefield between two rings of the Berlin Wall. I'm soaking in the historical significance since suddenly my military career would NOT be focused on an imminent WWIII. A middle-aged German guy comes up and asks me a question. I replied "Ich nicht sprechen Deutch."* He then asks me in English how to get to the Opera House in total confidence that I'd know my way around the city despite not knowing a dozen words of the language.

* "I don't speak German"

I've been thinking about this one since I saw it over on

mistful's lj...

I dunno...I definitely have the Hoof-in-Mouth fairy, but also the Zipper-comes-undone-at-worst-time fairy, the Food-splooping-front-at-formal-dinners fairy, and the Nope-you-re-too-late fairy.

I believe that I have the Look Likes He Knows What He's Doing Fairy. People believe that I am competent at something that I'm doing, despite the fact that I may have only been doing it for days, or even minutes. The fairy also doubles as a Looks Like He Belongs Here Fairy. Too many people ask me where things are in stores that I don't work at or just don't bother me. If it really came down to it, I think I might be able to get halfway out the door with a valuable piece of artwork before someone realized that I wasn't supposed to have taken it down from the museum wall and carried it away. Probably because the fairy left the building before me.

I definitely have his cousin, the Look Like He Works Here Fairy. Every time I go to Barnes & Noble, I get some rich sixtysomething who wanders up to me, demands that I find her a book that she remembers seeing sometime in 1965, and then screams "And WHY NOT?!?" when I tell her that I'm not a B&N employee.

I have the Hungry Breasts Fairy. If it is humanly possible to dribble food, drink, or other material down the front of my shirt, I will. It doesn't matter how careful I am or what I'm eating, I will besmirch my cleavage.

The Stains Not Visible Until I Get to Work Fairy visited me today. Luckily, it's also freezing in my office so I have an excuse to wear a jacket.

TR has her brother, the Hungry Belly Fairy. The lower half of some of his shirts over the years have been very well fed.

I have the 'perfect recall but only for useless stuff' fairy.

I can remember absurd, minor details from books and media I was exposed to ten years ago, but I couldn't tell you which projects I worked on in the past twelve months or what happened while I was on them.

Also, the imp of 'Singular Inability to Be Anywhere On Time if It's Before Ten AM' but that's a whole other issue.

It's either the Ask Me For A Cigarette Fairy, or the Ask Me If You Can Make A Local Call On My Cell Phone (And Then Throw A Tantrum When I Tell You That I Don't Have A Cell Phone) Fairy.

I think mine is the "Awkward During Important Social Events" Fairy. I can't act normal to save my life when it really counts...

The False Sense of Direction Fairy. On a regular basis I am absolutely convinced that this time, this time, I do in fact have my bearings and it is totally worth trying that shortcut. Needless to say, I am frequently late for important events.

Mild case of Ask For Directions here, but I'm mainly afflicted by...

...the "Bother me while I'm relaxing/doing coursework in a coffee shop because you're too stupid and/or ignorant to work your laptop's wireless internet connection and I'm the only other person/closest person with a laptop" fairy...

...and the "Make me fall madly in lust with crazy chicks" fairy.

I only have Ask Me For Directions in Montreal. Which is odd, since I only speak a little French and generally think I look like a giant Anglo dork.

So...today's question

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