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Update on The Pearls
From page 2 of The Pearls
A sentence or two later, peasants come out of their homes to incuriously watch Lord Vordachai and his men pass. Jokes about the above aside, I think perhaps "incurious" is not the way to describe people who come out of their houses to watch someone go by. I think maybe she meant "guardedly" or "blankly."
I haven't run across anything that obviously off in the rest of the chapter, but you'd think that the first few pages of the book would be given an especially careful line-by-line edit, wouldn't you?
Aside from that, the first chapter introduces Shadrael, our male protagonist, who is SO BADASS that when he was in the army, he GAVE UP HIS SOUL in an ARMY BET (and, presumably, gained some magical powers in return, which hasn't come up in more than passing yet). He CASTS NO SHADOW.
Lord Vordachai,sexual peccadillos aside, is a large shouty bearded man and probably should be envisioned as being played by Brian Blessed.
According to hints in the book that refer to "legions" and "imperial" this-and-that and a couple of other hints, I deduce this is really supposed to be sort of Roman or Byzantine in culture. However, the cover depicts (presumably) Shadrael wearing armor that to my untutored eye looks rather 15th century European, and the Lady Lea is dressed up to attend a Renaissance festival, in a long skirt and a corset and shirt vaguely reminiscent of depictions of Gypsies in the late 19th century. She is wearing a cloak whose edges do not meet in front of her, rendering it useless for warmth or protection, and which comes with built-in shoulder guards should she wish to participate in a spontaneous game of American football at any point during her abduction.
Note that in the cover, Shadrael's cloak and hair is billowing out dramatically, as is a banner in the background, while if you look at Lea's clothing and hair, she appears to be enclosed in a force field that does not allow for any movement of air at all. Perhaps she will asphyxiate soon.
The rest of Shadrael's troops appear to be left-handed, while he is right-handed. And just how phallic is that sword, after all?
* Word to the wise: if you do not know what it means, do not, under any circumstances, look up "fisting" at work, on a public computer, or with small children or squeamish family members in the room.
Burly, bearded, clad in armor, and fisting a stout war mace studded with steel spikes, Lord Vordachai was neither a prudent man nor one that any prudent thief would dare attack.I ... don't think I'd attack him, either.*
A sentence or two later, peasants come out of their homes to incuriously watch Lord Vordachai and his men pass. Jokes about the above aside, I think perhaps "incurious" is not the way to describe people who come out of their houses to watch someone go by. I think maybe she meant "guardedly" or "blankly."
I haven't run across anything that obviously off in the rest of the chapter, but you'd think that the first few pages of the book would be given an especially careful line-by-line edit, wouldn't you?
Aside from that, the first chapter introduces Shadrael, our male protagonist, who is SO BADASS that when he was in the army, he GAVE UP HIS SOUL in an ARMY BET (and, presumably, gained some magical powers in return, which hasn't come up in more than passing yet). He CASTS NO SHADOW.
Lord Vordachai,
According to hints in the book that refer to "legions" and "imperial" this-and-that and a couple of other hints, I deduce this is really supposed to be sort of Roman or Byzantine in culture. However, the cover depicts (presumably) Shadrael wearing armor that to my untutored eye looks rather 15th century European, and the Lady Lea is dressed up to attend a Renaissance festival, in a long skirt and a corset and shirt vaguely reminiscent of depictions of Gypsies in the late 19th century. She is wearing a cloak whose edges do not meet in front of her, rendering it useless for warmth or protection, and which comes with built-in shoulder guards should she wish to participate in a spontaneous game of American football at any point during her abduction.
Note that in the cover, Shadrael's cloak and hair is billowing out dramatically, as is a banner in the background, while if you look at Lea's clothing and hair, she appears to be enclosed in a force field that does not allow for any movement of air at all. Perhaps she will asphyxiate soon.
The rest of Shadrael's troops appear to be left-handed, while he is right-handed. And just how phallic is that sword, after all?
* Word to the wise: if you do not know what it means, do not, under any circumstances, look up "fisting" at work, on a public computer, or with small children or squeamish family members in the room.
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I am torn between ow and how?
I forced the link to your previous entry on
"Two men. One is a prince of royal blood. The other is a half-breed, part human, part elf. But the part that is human is also royal.
"Two women. One is a princess, pampered and protected. The other lives in the forest, the leader of a band of rebels. She too has eleven blood.
"This is their story--the tale of love and hate, courage and cowardliness, and magic both dark and light..."
::boggles::
::not in a good way::
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re: the cover...I guess it's remotely possible that the girl is forward and down enough to be out of the wind? Maybe? Though that doesn't explain what she's standing on, or that soldier levitating in the background...
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1. To clench into a fist.
2. To grasp with the fist.
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However, we are also aware of the sexual slang, which is what we're all commenting on.
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Or maybe it was simply the absurdity of the image that kept my mind from leaping to the conclusion that is wrong in so many ways.
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Well, that's certainly some interesting positioning if she turns around...Yeah, definitely European armor, there.
I've seen that style of cloak a lot in covers and illustrations, though. Their version of a light jacket, maybe?
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Dare I ask how this book came into your possession? I mean, that cover alone is enough to send me running for the manga section.
I've noticed a tendency of authors of recent fantasies to (quite reasonably) decide that basing their worlds on Tolkien is Right Out, but they haven't yet figured out what it really means to base a world on a historical culture: they just sort of throw in chunks of something they remember reading in history class (or, even more likely, in someone else's book) and call it a day.
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I think maybe the above sentence was worth the price of the book. (Okay, so I had $5 in Borders Bucks coming to me, so it's not like I paid full price. XD)
The book itself hasn't been obviously out of period so far, just the cover painting. We'll see if the book manages to stay out of that morass. XD
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OTOH, there are hints that he actually cares about his subjects and that this won't be a stark Good vs. Evil story, which I hope carry through because murky shades of grey are way more interesting than black and white. :)
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–noun
1. the hand closed tightly, with the fingers doubled into the palm.
2. Informal. the hand.
3. Informal. a person's handwriting.
4. Printing. index (def. 8).
–verb (used with object)
5. to make (one's hand) into a fist.
6. to grasp in the fist.
Not the most well-known definition, certainly, but viable. Of course, given the way that ficsnark goes, no one will let that stand in the way of a perfectly good snark. It sounds like a terrible book in any case.
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Not saying she does or doesn't know of that definition, just that with all the hands a book goes through to market, somebody ought to have looked at it and said "Uh, guys...?"
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*facepalms*
If you want good fantasy, pick up stuff by George R.R. Martin, China Mieville, Lawrence Watt-Evans, Harry Turtledove, and Simon R. Green.
If you want specific titles, please ask. I'll gladly recommend some.
Re: *facepalms*
(I have actually not been able to sustain focus long enough to get through any book more complex than a YA novel or light '80s fantasy in the past few years, so I'm not currently looking for anything like that.)
Re: *facepalms*
(Although Watt-Evans' most recent stuff might be short enough to keep your attention on it -- maybe 250 pages per book. Look for "The Wizard Lord," and "The Ninth Talisman." And if you like a bit of humor -- there are mind-controlled squirrels.)
Re: *facepalms*
Hmm...
http://thepiratebay.org/tor/3778378/Sci-fi_and_Fantasy_Library
(Mind you, some of these digital versions appear to have been typed up by drunken chimpanzees.)
If you're looking for humorous questish fantasy, also try L. Sprague de Camp. That link has most of his short stories and fantasy novels. "Two Yards of Dragon" and "The Emperor's Fan" are probably closest to what you're looking for in a short story, and the "Reluctant King" novels should meet your criteria as well.
Come to think of that, you might like "The Hardwood Pile." Fantasy in rural New York State, with a wood spirit who's EXTREMELY unhappy about having her tree turned into boards.
***
And here's one of de Camp's poems, which might also qualify as "questish." Consider it a teaser. ;-)
"REWARD OF VIRTUE"
Sir Gilbert de Vere was a virtuous knight;
He succored the weak and he fought for the right
But cherished a goal that he never could sight:
He wanted a dragon to fight.
He prayed all the night and he prayed all the day
That God would provide him a dragon to slay;
And God heard his prayer and considered a way
To furnish Sir Gilbert his prey.
And so, to comply with Sir Gilbert's demand
But having no genuine dragons to hand
God whisked him away to an earlier land,
With destrier, armor, and brand.
And in the Cretaceous, Sir Gilbert de Vere
Discovered a fifty-foot carnosaur near.
He dug in his spurs, and he leveled his spear
And charged without flicker of fear.
The point struck a rib, and the lance broke in twain
The knight clapped a hand to his hilt, but in vain:
The dinosaur swallowed that valorous thane
And gallant Sir Gilbert was slain.
The iron apparel he wore for his ride,
However, was rough on the reptile's inside.
The dinosaur presently lay down and died,
And honor was thus satisfied.
But Gilbert no longer was present to care;
So pester not God with your wishes. Beware!
What happens when Heaven has answered your prayer
Is your, and no other's, affair!
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