Because it WON'T LEAVE MY HEAD

[telophase]

...I pass on to you this mental image, spawned by vito_ecalibur's linkblogging post wherein she points out:

And thanks to the miracle of the Internet, you can now learn how to safely sexually role-play a shark attack in the comfort of your own home.

My response to that was on the order of...

I think my problem with the shark-attack scenario is that I've had way too much experience with bad LARPers or whatnot whose idea of roleplaying was to sneak up to you and whisper "I'm a ninja!" before sneaking off again.

So the scenario, as it unfolds in my brain, starts off with the tension ratcheting higher and higher as the blindfolded partner waits, straining to hear where the other person is, and anticipating the attack ... until the shark leaps onto the bed and shrieks "I'm a shaaaaaarkk!! Raar!!"

Comments

[wyrdness.livejournal.com]

Great, now that's stuck in my head too! It did make me laugh though. :D

[telophase.livejournal.com]

MY WORK HERE IS FINISHED

[puddingcat.livejournal.com]

Is that what's known as "Jumping the Shark"?

[telophase.livejournal.com]

*snerk*

[rayechu.livejournal.com]

The thing is I don't know anyone who could pull that off seriously. I would be too tempted to start the dum dum da dum Jaws theme.

[telophase.livejournal.com]

I think you have to get into the right kind of headspace to do it without thinking of Jaws. XD

[vom-marlowe.livejournal.com]

Okay, I started to laugh right about the time they wrote that the shark should be naked and the victim clothed. I just....

Internets, never leave me!

[telophase.livejournal.com]

I'm tempted to take it way too far. FEEDING FRENZY!!

[vom-marlowe.livejournal.com]

What about yum-yum orange? And dolphins? And....

Oh dear.

[telophase.livejournal.com]

DISCOVERY CHANNEL SHARK WEEK!

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

There is no way to take this too far!

[telophase.livejournal.com]

Well, in that case, the "shark" gets to make a shark fin out of foam-core and construction paper, then tie it to his or her head with string.

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

EVERYTHING YOU SUGGEST MERELY MAKES THIS MORE AWESOME.

[kittikattie.livejournal.com]

Background music: Man Eater, by Hall and Oates.

[maxineofarc.livejournal.com]

Fantasy. Roleplay. Shark attack.

I love the internet.

Could be worse, though, because the first thing I thought of when I read that was Split Enz' song "Shark Attack" which kicks off with the lyrics "Love's got teeth and she bites real hard/Leaving you for dead like a deadly shark" and goes on from there.

[telophase.livejournal.com]

I had to read it to figure out what the appeal was, just because I think the rending and tearing of flesh when I think of shark attacks, and while that may appeal to someone with certain specialized tastes, I couldn't see what the point would be.

And now I can't picture it without thinking of someone who's tied a large cardboard fin to their head with string.

[mystcrave.livejournal.com]

Candygram.

(is anyone else old enough to remember this?)

[cschells.livejournal.com]

For Mongo?

[mystcrave.livejournal.com]

Er...apparently I'm really old. First season of SNL there was a recurring skit with Chevy Chase as a LandShark (in shark costume) who would knock on NYC apartment doors pretending to have a candygram, or be the plumber, or deliver flowers. Finally the woman would open the door when he claimed to be a dolphin or something and then he would chomp her head while the theme from JAWS played. It sounds stupid but it was strangely funny.

[cschells.livejournal.com]

I remember that! (From re-runs, though, I guess.) It looks like Blazing Saddles is the same era as early SNL... but no relevance to the shark thing, that I can think of...

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

Landshark!

[lady-ganesh.livejournal.com]

You beat me to it!

[cschells.livejournal.com]

The setting would need a Jimmy Buffet soundtrack to be just right:

"...you've got fins to the left, fins to the right, and you're the only bait in town..."

And then boat drinks for everybody. And the cardboard shark parts.

[kittikattie.livejournal.com]

D=

[lady-ganesh.livejournal.com]

"I'm only a dolphin, ma'am."