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*snerk*
In an email from a friend, "vampire trout" was mentioned, which triggered a Google ad in my gmail account that read "Personalized Vampire Book - www.bookbyyou.com - 170-page vampire romance novel starring you & your beloved." Of course I couldn't resist going over there, and found it to be a site where you can order a Personalized! Romance! Book! by giving them your name and a few details, etc.
The best part? You can see personalized excerpts of each book, thanks to a small HTML form. Mind you, they're only F/M, so if you want to plug in, say, Gojyo and Hakkai, one of them's going to be referred to as "she." ETA: Well, unless you do a search-and-replace job...
(and, naturally, Sanzo's name doens't really fall into the proper firstname-lastname mold, since Sanzo is a title, and nobody calls him Genjo, his real name. But thanks to Hazel'sSouthern Kyoto accent, "Sanzo, hon" is now an acceptable alternative! They didn't have "purple" as a choice on eye color, though, phooey.)
A college campus is the setting for Vampire Kisses and where Telophase Fines and Sanzo - hon first cross paths. It’s love at first sight, but as they become closer, Telophase discovers that Sanzo has a horrifying secret – he’s a vampire doomed to a bloodthirsty immortality!
Although Telophase senses danger beneath his soft-spoken manner, and even after Sanzo himself warns her away, Telophase is drawn to this creature of the night and loves him as she has loved no other.
-----------------
Spying a dusty red binding on the lower shelf, Telophase pulled at the tightly wedged volume. Unbeknownst to her, her jostling had caused a book to dislodge and tumble from its precarious position on the top shelf. Then she heard it – the sound of a sudden movement and leather against flesh. She looked up, surprised.
“What?” her hazel eyes widened as she took in the sight.
“If I startled you, my apologies.” The man in dark silk smiled at her through electric blue eyes and then reached up toward the skewed shelf, adjusted it, and returned the book. His voice was like his clothing, soft, rich, almost beckoning. The dim light fell gently on his blonde hair and shoulders. Impossibly wide shoulders...
Telophase felt her heart skip a beat; how picturesque. His arms seemed not to stretch as he reached to resettle the shelf. Watching from below, comprehension dawned, she tucked her brown hair behind her ears in nervousness. Ah, the noise. She eyed the angle, and a shudder wracked her body. The whole shelf could have toppled were it not for this curious stranger. She had to clear her throat before she could speak, her mind filled with images of heavy, sharp-cornered objects landing on her head. “Thanks for the rescue,” Telophase said. Then with a grin added, “Quick hands.”
“Only when there is need, I assure you.” Sanzo - hon smiled, teeth reflecting bright in the dusty air, those broad shoulders casting a shadow over Telophase. He nodded in what might almost have been considered a bow and then turned sideways and was gone. One moment there, the next he’d vanished as though he’d never been...
-----------------
You get to put in the name of a female friend, too.
A lascivious grin was spoiled by the frothy mustache Rachelmanija wore; cross-eyed, she glared at it, twisting up her mouth, remnants of her latte still clinging to her lips.
“Do stop licking your lips that way; some man might get the right idea about you, and then where would you be?” Telophase was only half kidding, hazel eyes ablaze.
“Where every cat longs to be, my sweet innocent little bookworm. Completely in the cream.” She batted her eyelashes outrageously making Telophase laugh.
“So, your date last night?”
“Oh, it was perfect. A perfect catastrophe,” Rachelmanija grinned. “I told you he was in the adult education program, right?” She waited for Telophase to nod, all-the-while choking on her own laughter. “Well, we finally got around to talking about what he studies.” Giggles began to emerge, making her slur her words. “That yummy little Brad-Pitt-in-Thelma-and-Louise I was drooling over is here studying to become a priest!”
“Oh, no!” Telophase sat back and burst into laughter of her own. “What did you do?”
“Oh, I merely suggested that an in-depth knowledge of temptation and sin might help in his work. I even offered to give him a guided tour.”
“You didn’t!” It was purely rhetorical; knowing Rachelmanija, Telophase was quite sure she had. “What did he say?”
“I thought I heard ‘get thee behind me’, but he was running the other way, so I could be wrong.”
If Telophase hadn’t already finished her drink, she’d have choked...
--------------------------
Sanzo sighed. He longed to go to Telophase, to comfort her, to caress her, but he could not, and so he remained outside, just below her window, watching and listening. He thought of her silky brown hair and dancing hazel eyes. His mouth filled with the bittersweet taste of longing. The first flush of dawn chased him away, but before he left, he thrust a note beneath her window sash.
I have watched from the shadows;
you are brighter than sunlight.
It might have been more poetic than literal, but he meant it truly; hers was a warmth that would not burn him to ash – though it did seem to have seared its way into his heart.
-----------------------------
I and my dancing hazel eyes need to go get some actual work done, now. I look forward to your versions!
The best part? You can see personalized excerpts of each book, thanks to a small HTML form. Mind you, they're only F/M, so if you want to plug in, say, Gojyo and Hakkai, one of them's going to be referred to as "she." ETA: Well, unless you do a search-and-replace job...
(and, naturally, Sanzo's name doens't really fall into the proper firstname-lastname mold, since Sanzo is a title, and nobody calls him Genjo, his real name. But thanks to Hazel's
A college campus is the setting for Vampire Kisses and where Telophase Fines and Sanzo - hon first cross paths. It’s love at first sight, but as they become closer, Telophase discovers that Sanzo has a horrifying secret – he’s a vampire doomed to a bloodthirsty immortality!
Although Telophase senses danger beneath his soft-spoken manner, and even after Sanzo himself warns her away, Telophase is drawn to this creature of the night and loves him as she has loved no other.
-----------------
Spying a dusty red binding on the lower shelf, Telophase pulled at the tightly wedged volume. Unbeknownst to her, her jostling had caused a book to dislodge and tumble from its precarious position on the top shelf. Then she heard it – the sound of a sudden movement and leather against flesh. She looked up, surprised.
“What?” her hazel eyes widened as she took in the sight.
“If I startled you, my apologies.” The man in dark silk smiled at her through electric blue eyes and then reached up toward the skewed shelf, adjusted it, and returned the book. His voice was like his clothing, soft, rich, almost beckoning. The dim light fell gently on his blonde hair and shoulders. Impossibly wide shoulders...
Telophase felt her heart skip a beat; how picturesque. His arms seemed not to stretch as he reached to resettle the shelf. Watching from below, comprehension dawned, she tucked her brown hair behind her ears in nervousness. Ah, the noise. She eyed the angle, and a shudder wracked her body. The whole shelf could have toppled were it not for this curious stranger. She had to clear her throat before she could speak, her mind filled with images of heavy, sharp-cornered objects landing on her head. “Thanks for the rescue,” Telophase said. Then with a grin added, “Quick hands.”
“Only when there is need, I assure you.” Sanzo - hon smiled, teeth reflecting bright in the dusty air, those broad shoulders casting a shadow over Telophase. He nodded in what might almost have been considered a bow and then turned sideways and was gone. One moment there, the next he’d vanished as though he’d never been...
-----------------
You get to put in the name of a female friend, too.
A lascivious grin was spoiled by the frothy mustache Rachelmanija wore; cross-eyed, she glared at it, twisting up her mouth, remnants of her latte still clinging to her lips.
“Do stop licking your lips that way; some man might get the right idea about you, and then where would you be?” Telophase was only half kidding, hazel eyes ablaze.
“Where every cat longs to be, my sweet innocent little bookworm. Completely in the cream.” She batted her eyelashes outrageously making Telophase laugh.
“So, your date last night?”
“Oh, it was perfect. A perfect catastrophe,” Rachelmanija grinned. “I told you he was in the adult education program, right?” She waited for Telophase to nod, all-the-while choking on her own laughter. “Well, we finally got around to talking about what he studies.” Giggles began to emerge, making her slur her words. “That yummy little Brad-Pitt-in-Thelma-and-Louise I was drooling over is here studying to become a priest!”
“Oh, no!” Telophase sat back and burst into laughter of her own. “What did you do?”
“Oh, I merely suggested that an in-depth knowledge of temptation and sin might help in his work. I even offered to give him a guided tour.”
“You didn’t!” It was purely rhetorical; knowing Rachelmanija, Telophase was quite sure she had. “What did he say?”
“I thought I heard ‘get thee behind me’, but he was running the other way, so I could be wrong.”
If Telophase hadn’t already finished her drink, she’d have choked...
--------------------------
Sanzo sighed. He longed to go to Telophase, to comfort her, to caress her, but he could not, and so he remained outside, just below her window, watching and listening. He thought of her silky brown hair and dancing hazel eyes. His mouth filled with the bittersweet taste of longing. The first flush of dawn chased him away, but before he left, he thrust a note beneath her window sash.
I have watched from the shadows;
you are brighter than sunlight.
It might have been more poetic than literal, but he meant it truly; hers was a warmth that would not burn him to ash – though it did seem to have seared its way into his heart.
-----------------------------
I and my dancing hazel eyes need to go get some actual work done, now. I look forward to your versions!
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*dies*
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I once remember making up some horrible romance fanfic madlibs to
tortureentertain my friends. It wasn't as polished as this, however! Now I can be a professional!!!!111But what sort of romance novel doesn't have the option for purple eyes?!
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THEY REWROTE FIVE CHILDREN AND IT INTO TWO CHILDREN AND IT.
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*snorfle*
Somewhat tangentially: OMFG how much am I loving the "Burial" arc? I just got vol...4? 5? of Reload this weekend, and keep going back to look at it.
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But where did the rum go?
Jack sighed, his eyes narrowing, then he suddenly reached out and grabbed Rachel by her bodice string that, unbeknownst to her, had become untied and hung loosely from her dress. The lace tightened immediately as he pulled her towards him like a dog on a tether. Rachel winced with surprise and embarrassment, her brown eyes ablaze.
He leaned close to her, breathing softly in her ear, making Rachel almost lose her balance and certainly some sense. He paused just long enough to catch her off guard in anticipation, when he said, “You might want to keep the girls tied up,” and he tightened the lace and tied a knot.
Her face flushed and she slapped him hard on the cheek. Jack grabbed her by her dark brown hair and planted a kiss on her lips, long and sensual. When he released his grip, she was reeling, wild eyed as a scurvy dog.
“Take them away!” he ordered with a wave of his hand.
The buccaneer escorts grabbed the women’s wrists and roughly pulled them towards the path. Rachel turned her head and caught the captain’s eye.
“Now I know why they call you Sea Wolf. I think you are despicable!” she yelled at the top of her lungs. She quickly looked to Telophase, a look of terror in her eyes as they were dragged down the pathway.
Jack smiled, as he heard his crew laughing from afar; this was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. If circumstances were different, he would have asked her to join him. But he hadn’t even found out her name…
Re: But where did the rum go?
Re: But where did the rum go?
Re: But where did the rum go?
Re: But where did the rum go?
“You might want to keep the girls tied up,” and he tightened the lace and tied a knot.
right to;
“Take them away!” he ordered with a wave of his hand.
So I snickered at thoughts of boobs being taken away by pirate guards....
I am weird.
Human hair. From my back.
“Come on, tell me every detail,” Telophase begged. “And I’ll comb out the tag-alongs and shrubbery from your hair! How on earth did you end up with pieces of bramble bush stuck in that dark brown mop of yours and what’s that got to do with pirates?”
Nuala turned in circles, giving Rachel a better opportunity to find that special spot to rub, just between the shoulder blades.
Chuckling, Rachel turned and pointed to the harbor in the distance. “See that ship at the very end of the docks – the one with no sails; listing badly to one side? Well, that’s it.”
“A real pirate ship,” Telophase sighed romantically.
Rachel glanced toward her bedside table where she kept a folded piece of parchment containing an etching of Jack Sparrow, the famous pirate Sea Wolf, wanted by authorities on two continents.
“Yes, a real pirate ship, but not the pirate ship. It’s not the Corazon de Oro,” said Rachel, excitement evident in her voice...
Re: Human hair. From my back.
Re: Human hair. From my back.
o_O;