telophase | RSOM Reviews Part 1

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RSOM Reviews Part 1

My reviews of the first ten finalists in this year's Rising Stars of Manga contest.

The very very short version is: having a year between contests instead of six months worked to the best. The art and stories are significantly better than the majority of last year's entries.

10 Simple Rules by J.D. Robinson (

sjen)

Cute story, perfect for the length. Accomplished art, a little awkward in a few places, but that might be due to being rushed. Appealing protagonist. My biggest beef is that the character designs for the protagonist and antagonist looked too similar, so I was expecting that to be part of the story. There was also no really good established background for the interior of the bank, so I was never sure where the characters were - the counter seemed to pop in and out of existence when necessary. But that wasn't really that distracting, and the characterization and humor carried over that. The splash page to start was very effective, too.

Another Jewelry Box by Jas Carpenter

I really have very little idea what's going on in this story. The art is mostly fine, but the story's jumpy and underwritten. I don't get a really clear idea of the characters, and there's some panel angles that seemed to be chosen almost arbitrarily and worked against the story - page 4 has two of them, with a panel that cuts off everything but the protagonist's hand on his phone and, inexplicably, his knee. And the knee is right up against his shoulder in the next panel, which makes it look like a misprint of the shoulder. That panel really should have been a closeup on the phone, I think. The last panel on that page then goes into an upside-down overhead shot of the man's crouching figure, which makes the panel look like he's having some sort of horrible emotional crisis, instead of a hesitant phone call.

Bomango by Robert Ten Pas

I love this one. I have nothing to say against it - the characters are quirky and engaging, the story's simple and complete, and the art is great. It's more of an American indie-comics/animation-influenced style than a manga style. (Rather like the sort of thing Tokyopop goes for in their OEL manga. I would be very surprised if Ten Pas didn't have a contract with Tpop within a few months.)

Charlatan by Jamie Kearney & Erin Kearney

Hm. The story isn't very involving; I don't find myself interested in any of the characters. The art is so-so (although it's better than a whole bunch of last year's), and a bit stiff. The characters don't show too many emtions - appropriate in some cases, shall we say without giving too much away, but not in others. There's a few perspective problems as well. The characters and story aren't enough to make me overlook the problems in the art.

The Chronicles of the Big Feet by Nichol Ashworth

Appealing artwork. The font, OTOH, is driving me crazy. Serif fonts Just Don't Work in comics, especially when using lowercase letters. ARG. The story is overall OK, but is ... missing something. I think maybe a lack of distinguishing between the characters? Hrm. hard to say.

Dear Jack by Theresa Zysk (reapersun on DeviantArt) and Elizabeth Zysk

I'd found out through her DA journal before reading it that she didn't ink it, so I was expecting it, but I'm not missing the inks - the pencil is dark enough here that it works, and it suits the emotional tone of the story as well. The art is sort of shaky at first and gets stronger as it goes on. It needs a few more backgrounds - talking heads on blank panels don't work all that well; even just a bit of tone thrown in there would have livened it up a bit more, I think. The best panels are the flashback with the kids in the rocketship - even though there's no serious background in them, the textures and shades in them liven them up. I know it seems to have been done as a deliberate contrast to the lighter, airier present-day pages, but the present-day pages don't really carry it off well enough to work. There's also some perspective problems with the cups and the table, and the lettering was obviously rushed. As far as the story goes - I don't think it's the strongest story in the bunch, but it's not shabby, and it fits well within the space, not needing to be padded out or crammed in.

Departure by Eden Benton

Excellent starting page - man those are some good boots. XD (

telophase has a thing for boots.) This is another good one - small story, focuses on one character. And ... this is the way to draw and tone backgrounds. Unusually, Benton's backgrounds are better than her characters, but not by much - the characters are pretty solid. She's got perspective nailed, and knows how to lay a page out. This is another I predict will have a Tpop contract stat. I'm ranking this up there with Bomango - this one is far more traditional manga style, though.

Feast of Grass by Erik Brown

Not Manga. This is not a bad thing, but it's solidly American-indie-comics, and I don't see what would make this an OEL manga instead of a comic. The art is that naive (for want of a better word) kind of style that at a very quick glance looks unaccomplished, but is actually pretty solid, and is drawn that way for effect. The panelling and storytelling is pretty static, which is again not bad, but ... not manga. The toning is very good, with a good balance of lights and darks and spotted blacks. The story itself is ... quirky and cute but not something that really grabs me. And there's a bit of jumping around that keeps it from flowing.

Girl/Boy by Yasmin Saaka (

mateoida)

I've been watching her post these pages under friendslock, so I've seen them developing and am not meeting them for the first time as I am with the others. :D Anyway, this is the most purely manga of the entire batch (er, so far ... I'm reading them in alphabetical order). It's pure shoujo from the character designs to the swirling hair in the wind to the layout busting panel borders all the time. And so's the story - a sweet tale of two people growing up and trying to figure out who they are and what they are to each other. The section titles needed to be a bit more obvious, although I'd have to see it in print to see if that's a problem with the low resolution of the Web versions. There's also the occasional perspective and anatomy problem, but she understands tones and how to use them to fill up the page and add texture while adding to the artwork instead of detracting from it.

Little Miss Witch Hater by Masashi Kinjo and Jamison Taylor

The art ... sweet. Wonderful. Gorgeous. There's way too much story, and it was crammed into a small space when it really needed to be 2 or 3 times as long. I'd like to see this expanded out and redone, and this is another artist who will have a contract soon, if not with Tpop, then with someone, I think. But man do I love the art.

The small, tiny, egotistical part of myself wants to know how many of the people who did these read my analyses. XD

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Departure really struck me the most, emotionally and visually, but honestly I was seriously impressed with like 7 out of the 10.

They have all so far been immensely better than most of last year's finalists - the year break was a good idea. I'm thrilled that I know of at least three of the winners, and there's probably a couple more whose real names I don't know.

10 simple rules -- It seems like the artist can only draw the characters when they are posing a certain way, and all the in-between and deformed panels are off. None of the other characters look as good as the main and rival, so maybe it's just as well that they look the same (although that threw me off too).

Something about the character design -- large mouth? -- reminds me of Bleach. The writing is really good, and I like the way it's presented: the way the sentences are broken up into panels, where those panels are are placed, etc.

Another Jewelry Box -- I didn't hate it. In a more complicated story the confusing and, yeah, arbitrary layout would be a major detriment, but the story is simple enough here that I think it gets by. Some of the pages are beautiful, flat like patterned cloth. On the other hand there are parts that really shock you out of the tone of the story -- why does a quiet, "cafe"-type manga need speedlines?

There were a few places where I completely misunderstood the dialogue, like the part where Main Charatcer (from hereon MC) says "Yeah, I'll skip work today." Natually I thought he was serious (why should I have thought any differently? you have to flip the page to get to the reconsidering shot). The random office scene also bothers me.

Bomango - AWESOME.

Charlatan -- I get that the big reveal should be horrifying, but it really isn't. For one, it makes no sense; for two, if the reader has even a passing familiarity with Japanese horror it's so OBVIOUS that there is absolutely no surprise. I'm as creeped out by dolls as the next person, but the story needs more than that to pull off the effect it was going for.

Bigfoot - that's an obligatory chibi? looks like regular jank to me, since the characters are appealingly deformed all the time anyway. Cute story, but I'm not sure what's going on the middle. that was "cowardice and a traumatizing flashback"? I didn't realize we'd flashed back.

I think it was a mistake not introducing the main character first. The narration has personality, but it's wasted if there's nothing in the actual panels to match the personality up with. Also, why the random stoner joke? left field, man.

Dear Jack - I was going to give up after the first few pages, but then I saw you wrote it got better, so... the flashback scenes are so much better than the cafe scenes. I have nothing against pencils, but beginning is awful, really amature-looking.

This story is too sappy for me XD.

Departure - oooh, I really like this one. I'm especially impressed by the MC's voice. That kind of accented speech is hard to do well, and it really helped set the main character apart, as well as set the tone of the story. some of the backgrounds are better than others -- the ones with no people in them look like filters over photographs, which I guess they probably are, but I miss the author's cool linework -- but overall they're really, really good.

Feast of Grass - looks really good, but I can't finish it. Too much lame internet humor.

Girl/Boy - the characters are appealing, but twenty pages isn't enough space for ten years of story. I felt like there were two many things being left out, and when the minor characters hooked up? no idea who they were -- I had to re-read.

little miss witch-hater - ooooh. I'm impressed that the artist managed to fit so much story into so little space. I think it's the art -- there's so much character in it, even in the inanimate objects, that who's an enemy, who's an ally, who's attacking or defending or mourning, all of it is clear right away. The story hooked me in the beginning by seeming to turn a trope onto it's head -- instead of the girl who doesn't fit in because she's a witch, you get the girl who doesn't fit in because she isn't one. that's not where the story actually goes, but it was a great attention-grabber, and then the funhouse atmosphere sets in, supported by the awesome art.

I have a cousin named Natasia.

I really couldn't make head nor tail of Another Jewelry Box .

One problem with Girl/Boy was that Tpop messed up two pages near the end and reversed them, and I'm not sure they've fixed it yet. But I've been watching the mangaka's journal and have seen stuff she's done since this, and she's already better. She's also only a ... freshman? sophomore? in college and will be even better by the time she graduates. :D

Feast of Grass had me vaguely going "Gabe and Tycho? Is that supposed to be you?" but I can't really say why.

And I really want to know what you think of Samurai Zombie...

Because I read Blade of the Immortal? The title reminded me of BoTI right away, because I have called Manji a zombie samurai in the past (http://sub-divided.livejournal.com/51096.html). I read your review before I read the story, so I can't say for sure whether I'd have recognized it on my own, but the odds I good I would have. There were at two panels that pinged right away: the one where you see the top of Samurai Zombie's head as he's coming out of the ground, and the one where he's standing with one hand on his hip.

Hold on, I'll read through again with commentary.

1. The author's sentences amuse me. He seems fond... of short phrases....and exclamations! There's a kind of poetry in them actually, at least until you stumble across an incorrect verb tense.

2. "Mantra" is spelled "Mantera."

3. Why do this guy's expressions not match his dialogue?

4. This is the first familiar-looking panel. The samurai zombie is coming out of the grave -- that's Manji, right?

5. Hmm, the flashback scene where the mantera-chanter is standing over a man in an alleyway who he's just killed to avenge Samurai Zombie -- do I recognize that dead body?

6. The action commentary is a nice touch, very classic samurai manga-esque. The scene accompanying the line "Seiji grabs the hand," though...that leaping figure...

7. Okay, I can't be sure about any of the others, but I KNOW the pose on the next page. I'd have known it even if you hadn't said anything. The Samurai Zombie is standing full page with his hand on his hip, looking away into the page. That's Manji. In fact, that's Manji from the first volume

*off to look up*

on page 20 of the third chapter.

From volume 3, the fight with Makie. Honestly I didn't have to look too hard -- I thought the body against the wall might be Manji in that chapter, since the fight is in a narrow alleyway and he ends it hacked up against a building.

While flipping through volume three, I also found this:

Hair, pose, expression, or pipe would be one thing, but all three? Well, it's not like I have to prove this stuff if ripped off, it's pretty obvious once you start looking.

Yup. Page 13, the running figure with the big hat looks very fmailiar - I want to say it's from the fight on the road between Manji and the three Itto-ryu dudes (one of whom has the Spider Jerusalem glasses), but I'd have to look it up. Page 17 bottom left, the close-up on his face also looks familiar, but I'd have to search for it. Page 19 last panel, too. Page 20 has three panels - the first one I think is taken from a panel where Manji begins fighting Shira on the road when he's traveling with Magatsu, the second one ... maybe the same scene, but I'm not sure (that hand on his kimono looks really familiar), and then the third with the sandals is either from that scene while they're walking or back again to right before the fight with the Spider Jerusalem dude and his friends.

All of them I'd have to look up and double-check, of course - he may have changed some of them enough to be fine and it's just me looking for similarities that are making them really pop out. (And I find it pretty telling about how much of a BoI fangirl that I am that I can ID individual panels. XD)

I really would like to see this artist with another writer and without the source images so obvious - change the hair, change the props, change the post a bit.

Now I'm wondering if all of the really sub-standard panels are original, and it's only the copied panels that look good. You don't have to be a great artist to copy well, I can copy well, and so many of the poses he's borrowing are off in some way when compared to the original.

I really would like to see this artist with another writer and without the source images so obvious

Yeah, because on top of being copyright infringement, stealing from BoTI only makes your art look worse. Much, much, much worse, because BoTI is so freaking beautiful.

OTOH, sub-standard panels here are immensely better than the best panels in some of the other finalists. He's (she? Don't know the name) got a great hand with the hatching and with flow through the pages - if the panels we've spotted were redone and altered a bit, it's be fine.

...stealing from BoTI only makes your art look worse. Much, much, much worse, because BoTI is so freaking beautiful.

Yup. Steal from the best is what I say, but make sure it's got the serial numbers filed completely off. XD

Hey there, artist for "Departure' here! Kyahh, it's SO COOL to see people's feedback on the contest. I felt so rushed trying to get mine together, but man, what a trip. Oh, and I totally appreciate your comment on the background work. I was really trying to establish the different 'places' as distinct :3 No photos though! It was all hand-drawn with, er, creative usage/layering of tone XD

~Eden

Okay, so a friend of mine who was more alert with forums brought to my attention this whole... splurge of discussion on the Zombie entry and... EEEEEDDDDD >O I WAS TOTALLY RIGHT. ASLDFKJWERHskdjh

(and apologies to telophase for polluting her commentary with keyboard mashing D8)

Yay! I know I for one was looking forward to your mini reviews of the top-20. :) I think the thing I like about the entries being up is that they're open to crtique by everyone. Anyway, nice to know the main problems at least with the art are things I'm generally aware of. Oh well, though, practice practice practice.

I didn't notice it until now, but the whole "near-10 years in 20 pages" thing is a bit jarring, though. I've had a few people tell me that, but it's always so hard to see past your initial ideas when you work on something so much. Duly noted, however.

I really liked what you were trying to do with the story and the development of the relationship over time. It would be cool if expanded to 40 or 44 pages, I think, to allow for a bit of breathing space.

But yeah, you know you're doing good when you've already noted the problems people are telling you. XD

Ooh, thanks for posting the link. I didn't know you could browse them and everything...

1. My biggest beef is that the character designs for the protagonist and antagonist looked too similar, so I was expecting that to be part of the story. There

I had that problem too. At first I thought the cop *was* the bankrobber, and the bankrobber had stepped out of the bank in civilian clothing to tell them "It's okay guys, I took care of it."

The humor was very cute. I liked:

"You don't want to do this!"
"Of course I do! I just did!"

I never noticed their similarities until SJen told me they were supposed to be brothers. X_x

Ha ha, I wasn't going to say anything until I saw the small text at the bottom.

Thanks for giving an honest critique/analysis of Feast of Grass : )

:D You're welcome. Congratulations for becoming a finalist, and good luck!

I did -witch hater, thank you
for the compliment! =^^= you're absolutely
right about the crammed stroy, I really
needed more space~! LOL~ Thanks for
the nice review!

-Ryo K

:D Wonderful work, and you're welcome!

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RSOM Reviews Part 1

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