Comme Il Faut (http://tundra-sales-org.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TTP&Product_Code=CF6011&Category_Code=CFK) is the best Castle Falkenstein book for what you're trying to do IMHO. It concentrates on the social manners of the period. There's a GURPS book for steampunk (http://www.sjgames.com/gurps/books/steampunk/) as well. For fiction, The Difference Engine (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/055329461X/qid=1091051156/sr=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/104-3671518-2386321) is the best steampunk novel I've seen. Let me know if you'd like to borrow our copies.