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So that thing I teased...
Last post I teased a thing that blew my mind but which will probably cause the rest of you to go "Whatever."
I was poking around the intartubes looking for a subject for Reasons which are, again, really boring for all but, like, one of you but which I will make seem interesting by being coy, when I discovered that...
THERE ARE WARHAMMER 40K CHILDREN'S BOOKS!
The audiobook is read by David Tennant. Brilliantly read according to the description, which I guess is an accurate assessment of the talent it takes to read things like this with a straight face.
(There's also a set of kids' books for the original Warhammer, whose audio versions are read by Billie Piper, but I accidentally closed the tab before copying the link and I now can't be bothered to find the page again. They're on Amazon and Audible. You can find them.)
Anyway, the reviews are sort of hilarious, and rather endearing as it turns out that they're bonding experiences for wargamers and their offspring.
Naturally I notified the one person I know who currently sits right at that intersection of GRIMDARK SPACE OPERA and CHILDREN'S BOOKS,![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
yhlee, and his response was, and I quote* "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
*technically without permission, but I suspect it won't actually be a problem. Hi, Yoon!
And OF COURSE I immediately bought the first one because WARHAMMER 40K CHILDREN'S BOOK... HOW could I NOT?
As far as actual literature goes, it's pretty dire. Would I have liked it as a 9-year-old? Yup. I was a nerd into space stuff even then, and the primary protagonist is a (dark-skinned!) 11-year-old girl, whose eventual main quest, to be stretched out over several books, is to find and reunite with her mother. Adults are also not always to be trusted, which is 100% accurate as any actual kid knows, but which many bowlderized kids' books would like you not to know.
Are there Ultramarines in this book? OF COURSE THERE ARE. They don't actually spend much time onscreen, but their introduction sort of sums up W40K, from what I understand.
There's a glossary/Galactic Compendium at the back that distills the bits of W40K lore mentioned in the book and as such, it's actually kinda a good, soft intro to the W40K universe. At least from my point of view as someone who has attempted to read the sample for the book everyone says you should read to get into it and bounced hard off of it every time because I had no earthly idea what was going on, who any of these people were, or why I should care.
The primary audience for these books is, as you can tell from the reviews, W40K players with children (especially children who are reluctant readers, it turns out), so I don't expect there to be much market penetration beyond that. I may actually continue reading just because the entire idea is sort of hilarious.
And to round it all off, after I toldmyrialux about the existence of these books, and read choice bits from the first book to him, his response was "You cannot convince me that Warhammer 40K is not actually a parody of grimdark." Which I accede to. The game developers obviously ask their inner 13-year-olds WOULD THIS BE COOL? and if the answer is YES they put it in.
I was poking around the intartubes looking for a subject for Reasons which are, again, really boring for all but, like, one of you but which I will make seem interesting by being coy, when I discovered that...
THERE ARE WARHAMMER 40K CHILDREN'S BOOKS!
It's a brand-new and exciting way to experience the 41st Millennium – and it's designed to be the perfect starting point for younger readers. Read it with your children to introduce them to your favourite universe!And you know what's EVEN BETTER?
The audiobook is read by David Tennant. Brilliantly read according to the description, which I guess is an accurate assessment of the talent it takes to read things like this with a straight face.
(There's also a set of kids' books for the original Warhammer, whose audio versions are read by Billie Piper, but I accidentally closed the tab before copying the link and I now can't be bothered to find the page again. They're on Amazon and Audible. You can find them.)
Anyway, the reviews are sort of hilarious, and rather endearing as it turns out that they're bonding experiences for wargamers and their offspring.
[Amazon] I have been a warhammer 40k fan for over 20 years from gaming, painting, and mostly reading HH stuff. I got this to try to got my son into the world in a child-friendly way. Of course it is grim-drak but not the regular warhammer stuff we all know.
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[Audible] Good story but it's a waste of a credit for less than 3hours of story. it's GW chopping a normal length story into 10 pieces and charging full price for each like they do with game rules.
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[Audible] It was a nice surprise. I expected it to be bad, but it is actually pretty good. Manages to stay authentic 40k despite it being written for kids.
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[Amazon] 40K is a hobby of mine and my son, who is seven, is too young for much of the lore, but he is interested in it and wants to be a part of it. So when this book came out I bought it. We read it together and he feels like he is a part of Daddy's hobby. It is great bonding material for wargammers and their children, I recommend it.
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[Amazon] Great Read per my kids. This books gets my kids into 40K is it as dark as my Black Library books no but it gets them into an understanding of the models they already play with when Dad pulls them out.
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[Amazon] Thought it was a joke/meme...
...but it's real. In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only YA books...
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[Amazon] Back when this series was announced we were all skeptical about how the original source material would be translated into a kids book. I'm happy to say that Attack of the Necron has managed to still keep that grim dark atmosphere that we all expect from the 40k universe!
--
[Amazon] 40K lite but not watered down
Welcome to the 41st millennium. You’re still going to die but it’s wont be too gory in this great kids adventure book.
Naturally I notified the one person I know who currently sits right at that intersection of GRIMDARK SPACE OPERA and CHILDREN'S BOOKS,
yhlee, and his response was, and I quote* "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"*technically without permission, but I suspect it won't actually be a problem. Hi, Yoon!
And OF COURSE I immediately bought the first one because WARHAMMER 40K CHILDREN'S BOOK... HOW could I NOT?
As far as actual literature goes, it's pretty dire. Would I have liked it as a 9-year-old? Yup. I was a nerd into space stuff even then, and the primary protagonist is a (dark-skinned!) 11-year-old girl, whose eventual main quest, to be stretched out over several books, is to find and reunite with her mother. Adults are also not always to be trusted, which is 100% accurate as any actual kid knows, but which many bowlderized kids' books would like you not to know.
Are there Ultramarines in this book? OF COURSE THERE ARE. They don't actually spend much time onscreen, but their introduction sort of sums up W40K, from what I understand.
The lightning never found its target. A huge teardrop-shaped pod crashed down in front of them, blocking the Necron energy with its riveted metal sides. Heavy ramps slammed down, sending up a fresh cloud of dust. Zelia coughed, unable to see, but there was no mistaking the heavy stomp of boots or the clanking of battle-ravaged armor. Zelia had never seen one up close but knew exactly who the arrivals were. Everyone did. They were living legends, sworn protectors of humanity against the horrors of the universe. They were war made flesh.And yes, one has a chainsword.
They were Space Marines.
There's a glossary/Galactic Compendium at the back that distills the bits of W40K lore mentioned in the book and as such, it's actually kinda a good, soft intro to the W40K universe. At least from my point of view as someone who has attempted to read the sample for the book everyone says you should read to get into it and bounced hard off of it every time because I had no earthly idea what was going on, who any of these people were, or why I should care.
The primary audience for these books is, as you can tell from the reviews, W40K players with children (especially children who are reluctant readers, it turns out), so I don't expect there to be much market penetration beyond that. I may actually continue reading just because the entire idea is sort of hilarious.
And to round it all off, after I told
myrialux about the existence of these books, and read choice bits from the first book to him, his response was "You cannot convince me that Warhammer 40K is not actually a parody of grimdark." Which I accede to. The game developers obviously ask their inner 13-year-olds WOULD THIS BE COOL? and if the answer is YES they put it in.
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I have actually gotten reviews of Dragon Pearl that are, paraphrase, "I was hoping this would be more like Machineries but it just wasn't hard-hitting in the same way" and I'm sitting here laugh-crying my guts out wondering who these psychopaths are WHO WANT ME TO SEND LITTLE EIGHT-YEAR-OLDS TO THERAPY.
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I expect the pay is all of peanuts, alas, but you'd get to let loose a little more!
(Spoiler: the...not bad guy, but the dude responsible for the aliens showing up and BLOWING APART THE ENTIRE PLANET gets buried in an avalanche. I cannot tell if this is a Disney-villain-falling-off-the-cliff death or if it's just a prelude to him showing up again, possibly taken over by aliens, because we haven't seen his body.)
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(i am currently screwing around on the internet because I'm STILL noncovidly sick)
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I know nothing about Warhammer 40k, but this whole post was worth reading for this quote alone.
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(I’m guessing it’s Dan Abnett’s Gaunts Ghosts, which is a series I love but on which I have STRONG OPINIONS regarding which book one should start with. And I’m not sure I’d recommend it as THE place to start for complete WH40k newbies)
As a massive warhammer nerd, I bought my 9 year old the first kids 40k book when it came out. I think she read about half of it before wandering off - she prefers contemporary or historical novels at the moment with only rare forays into sff. But I love that GW realised that their primary audience for WH40k is now dads. :-)
(And moms. But mainly dads, in my experience)
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I'm tempted to call Peter Watts grimdark, but he goes beyond grimdark to PITCH BLACK NIHILISM.
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There are audiobooks of the first three, which are GREAT - unusually, there are three narrators, for Cain,the Inquisitor, and some intermittent chapters from the viewpoint of a retired female General who was a Shiny Young Sincere Soldier under Cain and has a VERY different perspective on events.
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I can no longer read the Ciaphas Cain stuff without picturing Cain being played by Rowan Atkinson.
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The third book, Necropolis, is where the series starts to hit its stride. I recommend either starting there OR just skipping straight to the second anthology (The Saint) which collects together four novels that tell a contained story arc.
The other good starting point for Abnett is with his Inquisitor books, which are more thriller-mysteries. Again I recommend not starting with the first one (Eisenhorn), but rather the second trilogy, starting with Ravenor. Due to the nature of the titular character (he’s effectively a disembodied brain in a mobile support chair, who uses psychic powers to tag onto other people’s senses) there’s a lot of little slice-of-life vignettes showing everyday life for “normal” people in the 40k universe as Ravenor briefly drops in on their minds.
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Actually said out loud, "My God, it's real."
I love David Tennant's work but I'm not sure I can actually go for it.
Maybe when my TBR pile is back under control (hollow laugh).
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I wouldn’t mind hearing him read the paragraph I excerpted above, but I don’t want to blow a credit on it. If the book ever makes it into the new Plus program, you bet I am, though!