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Death Trance Part Five
And now! The climactic (and I am SO NOT KIDDING when I use that word) final scenes of Death Trance!
At the close of Part Four, Kuwabara and his hair are dead, while the small adorable EVIL child, Grave, and Captain Exposition have travelend throughthe TARDIS a portal to Someplace Else that looks remarkably like a random abandoned quarry.
Built in this Other Place is a platform, upon which Grave has dragged the coffin.
Captain Exposition runs toward him, shouting protests! The Goddess of Destruction will destroy the world if you open the coffin!
Grave thinks Captain Exposition is a weenie.
In a small show of fierceness, much like an armadillo jumping straight up in a threat-display in the face of Mack truck at 60MPH, Captain Exposition attacks!
While Grave is casually beating the snot out of the monk, the coffin starts slowly opening itself...
And in this screencap where I TOTALLY INTENDED to capture the dissolve from the fight to the now-open coffin (uh, yeah, right...), we get the transition to...
GODDESS OF DESTRUCTION IGNITION! The small adorable EVIL child is no longer to be seen after this. I don't think we actually see what happens to her, but it's entirely possible I missed it.
Grave deploys a "...the fuck?" face!
As the Goddess of Destruction rises from her coffin!
She flies to him! And asks what he wants!
He asks if she can grant any wish! She says that she can destroy anything he wants her to!
And then in an ULTIMATE SHOUNEN APOTHEOSIS he says DESTROY ME! Because all he wants IS TO FIGHT THE GREATEST FIGHTER IN THE WORLD!
Her reply is to ATTACK IN SWIRLING CLOTH AND STUFF!
Captain Exposition clasps his penis-sword protectively to his chest!
But wait!
IT THROBS
Here you can see the throbbing in action:
Grave is beaten back!
And here we have Variant #1: an open-mouth "...the fuck?" face! Also, in any shounen manga or anime nobody is really injured until they vomit blood. He has finally done so.
The Goddess of Destruction seems a wee bit disappointed.
And now Grave deploys his other expression! The "OH YEAH BABY!" face! He's finally found a worthy opponent!He can finally attack at full power!
Also, Kuwabara's bazooka MAGICALLY APPEARS at crotch level, and Grave utilizes it in a TOTALLY NOT SYMBOLIC manner. Don't ask too many questions because you won't actually get any answers. Just: BAZOOKA.
The Goddess of Destruction ponders this new development, probably as confused as we are at the inexplicable bazooka appearance.
Captain Exposition really can't get his mind (or his hands) off that throbbing penis-sword.
...but decides that it probably be better off in the hands of someone who is not such a weenie and throws it at Grave.
Grave catches it!
Grave poses!
Grave whips out his impression of Antonio Banderas!
The penis-sword throbs!
The camera lingers lovingly on its tip! JUST IN CASE WE HADN'T NOTICED THAT IT'S SHAPED LIKE A PENIS.
Grave poses in a moment of sword-related tension!
AND COMPLETELY FAILS TO BE ABLE TO DRAW THE SWORD!
He stares at the sky in complete WTFery!
And then bows down, gathering his warrior spirit...
And lets loose with the DEEP SHOUNEN CRY OF EXISTENTIAL ANGST!
Another sword-related tension moment!
OMG IS THAT A DRAWN SWORD I SEE?
WHY YES IT IS!
IT'S LONG...
IT'S HARD...
IT'S LUSCIOUS...
IT'S THROBBING...
IT'S THE LEAST SYMBOLIC PHALLIC SYMBOL I HAVE EVER WITNESSED.
Grave whips out his Antonio Banderas impression again...
As his eyes start to glow red with demonic energy!
The Goddess is not at all unhappy with this turn of events...
AND THE ENCOUNTER COMMENCES!
There are FLOATING BEADS OF BLOOD SUSPENDED IN THE AIR!
When Grave slashes the Goddess across the stomach, she EXPLODES INTO ROSE PETALS!! This is the point at which I commenced laughing hysterically and I don't think I stopped until some time after the movie was over.
ECSTATIC SLASHES OF THE SWORD COMMENCE!
And now we see that the Goddess of Destruction has a VULVA-SWORD in counterpoint to the penis-sword!
They fight for a while, with lots of ecstatic wounds inflicted on each other, until the Goddess, having gotten what she wanted, runs Grave through with her vulva-sword! OMG I BET THAT'S SYMBOLIC OF SOMETHING-OR-OTHER
They kiss, as these veiny things appear on her.
And Grave falls back, still in ecstasy.
The Goddess basks in the afterglow...
...before opening her eyes and wondering what the hell he's still doing there.
And Grave falls into the darkness, blood-beads and rose petals swilring around him.
The climactic scene over, we find ourselves in the wasteland again. A man digs his way out of the sand, and it turns out to be the monk Captain Exposition! Who, inexplicably, has a full head of white hair. As we never see his hair before this point we are left to ponder the inscrutable mystery of whether he had white hair to start with, or whether the experience of accidentally eavesdropping on the Goddess' intimate encounters caused his hair to turn white.
He looks toward the sky, colors appearing and disappearing, presumably indicating some sort of power is still active. The land is waste as far as we can see, rather than the small circular wasteland we saw before, so presumably the world was destroyed after all.
Captain Exposition is emo for a while. At one point around ehre, we see Kuwabara's dead daughter's doll half-buried in the sand.
Then something falls from the sky!
It is a ONE-WINGED ANGEL! We also see, in the distance, others falling to the earth.
Captain Exposition deploys his expression of mild consternation and looks up as a (so blurry you can't see it, sorry) white feather falls from the sky in front of him.
Yuri appears!
And we now see the scars on her back where WINGS WERE CUT OFF OMG.
She says something-or-other that I totally missed, because by this point I was pounding on the desk in acute hysteria.
And off in the distance, we see, amidst the falling angels...
Could it be...?
Yuri smiles! Her true shounen love is back! Captain Exposition is mildly confused!
Grave stands proudly, penis-sword clutched firmly in his bloody hand!
His power flares!
Now he's got the veiny-things!
Grave deploys his other facial expression!
And vanishes into the air!
And the credits roll, as we mortals are left to ponder the mysteries of ... DEATH TRANCE.
WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU?
At the close of Part Four, Kuwabara and his hair are dead, while the small adorable EVIL child, Grave, and Captain Exposition have travelend through
Built in this Other Place is a platform, upon which Grave has dragged the coffin.
Captain Exposition runs toward him, shouting protests! The Goddess of Destruction will destroy the world if you open the coffin!
Grave thinks Captain Exposition is a weenie.
In a small show of fierceness, much like an armadillo jumping straight up in a threat-display in the face of Mack truck at 60MPH, Captain Exposition attacks!
While Grave is casually beating the snot out of the monk, the coffin starts slowly opening itself...
And in this screencap where I TOTALLY INTENDED to capture the dissolve from the fight to the now-open coffin (uh, yeah, right...), we get the transition to...
GODDESS OF DESTRUCTION IGNITION! The small adorable EVIL child is no longer to be seen after this. I don't think we actually see what happens to her, but it's entirely possible I missed it.
Grave deploys a "...the fuck?" face!
As the Goddess of Destruction rises from her coffin!
She flies to him! And asks what he wants!
He asks if she can grant any wish! She says that she can destroy anything he wants her to!
And then in an ULTIMATE SHOUNEN APOTHEOSIS he says DESTROY ME! Because all he wants IS TO FIGHT THE GREATEST FIGHTER IN THE WORLD!
Her reply is to ATTACK IN SWIRLING CLOTH AND STUFF!
Captain Exposition clasps his penis-sword protectively to his chest!
But wait!
IT THROBS
Here you can see the throbbing in action:
Grave is beaten back!
And here we have Variant #1: an open-mouth "...the fuck?" face! Also, in any shounen manga or anime nobody is really injured until they vomit blood. He has finally done so.
The Goddess of Destruction seems a wee bit disappointed.
And now Grave deploys his other expression! The "OH YEAH BABY!" face! He's finally found a worthy opponent!
Also, Kuwabara's bazooka MAGICALLY APPEARS at crotch level, and Grave utilizes it in a TOTALLY NOT SYMBOLIC manner. Don't ask too many questions because you won't actually get any answers. Just: BAZOOKA.
The Goddess of Destruction ponders this new development, probably as confused as we are at the inexplicable bazooka appearance.
Captain Exposition really can't get his mind (or his hands) off that throbbing penis-sword.
...but decides that it probably be better off in the hands of someone who is not such a weenie and throws it at Grave.
Grave catches it!
Grave poses!
Grave whips out his impression of Antonio Banderas!
The penis-sword throbs!
The camera lingers lovingly on its tip! JUST IN CASE WE HADN'T NOTICED THAT IT'S SHAPED LIKE A PENIS.
Grave poses in a moment of sword-related tension!
AND COMPLETELY FAILS TO BE ABLE TO DRAW THE SWORD!
He stares at the sky in complete WTFery!
And then bows down, gathering his warrior spirit...
And lets loose with the DEEP SHOUNEN CRY OF EXISTENTIAL ANGST!
Another sword-related tension moment!
OMG IS THAT A DRAWN SWORD I SEE?
WHY YES IT IS!
IT'S LONG...
IT'S HARD...
IT'S LUSCIOUS...
IT'S THROBBING...
IT'S THE LEAST SYMBOLIC PHALLIC SYMBOL I HAVE EVER WITNESSED.
Grave whips out his Antonio Banderas impression again...
As his eyes start to glow red with demonic energy!
The Goddess is not at all unhappy with this turn of events...
AND THE ENCOUNTER COMMENCES!
There are FLOATING BEADS OF BLOOD SUSPENDED IN THE AIR!
When Grave slashes the Goddess across the stomach, she EXPLODES INTO ROSE PETALS!! This is the point at which I commenced laughing hysterically and I don't think I stopped until some time after the movie was over.
ECSTATIC SLASHES OF THE SWORD COMMENCE!
And now we see that the Goddess of Destruction has a VULVA-SWORD in counterpoint to the penis-sword!
They fight for a while, with lots of ecstatic wounds inflicted on each other, until the Goddess, having gotten what she wanted, runs Grave through with her vulva-sword! OMG I BET THAT'S SYMBOLIC OF SOMETHING-OR-OTHER
They kiss, as these veiny things appear on her.
And Grave falls back, still in ecstasy.
The Goddess basks in the afterglow...
...before opening her eyes and wondering what the hell he's still doing there.
And Grave falls into the darkness, blood-beads and rose petals swilring around him.
The climactic scene over, we find ourselves in the wasteland again. A man digs his way out of the sand, and it turns out to be the monk Captain Exposition! Who, inexplicably, has a full head of white hair. As we never see his hair before this point we are left to ponder the inscrutable mystery of whether he had white hair to start with, or whether the experience of accidentally eavesdropping on the Goddess' intimate encounters caused his hair to turn white.
He looks toward the sky, colors appearing and disappearing, presumably indicating some sort of power is still active. The land is waste as far as we can see, rather than the small circular wasteland we saw before, so presumably the world was destroyed after all.
Captain Exposition is emo for a while. At one point around ehre, we see Kuwabara's dead daughter's doll half-buried in the sand.
Then something falls from the sky!
It is a ONE-WINGED ANGEL! We also see, in the distance, others falling to the earth.
Captain Exposition deploys his expression of mild consternation and looks up as a (so blurry you can't see it, sorry) white feather falls from the sky in front of him.
Yuri appears!
And we now see the scars on her back where WINGS WERE CUT OFF OMG.
She says something-or-other that I totally missed, because by this point I was pounding on the desk in acute hysteria.
And off in the distance, we see, amidst the falling angels...
Could it be...?
Yuri smiles! Her true shounen love is back! Captain Exposition is mildly confused!
Grave stands proudly, penis-sword clutched firmly in his bloody hand!
His power flares!
Now he's got the veiny-things!
Grave deploys his other facial expression!
And vanishes into the air!
And the credits roll, as we mortals are left to ponder the mysteries of ... DEATH TRANCE.
WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU?
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BUT NO, THEN CAME THIS.
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AND OWN IT
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Yuri's babble was something about how it happened every few hundred years and Goddess always won, leaving the loser alive to wander and try to take her on again.
I firmly believe that Grave is Kyo's greatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreat grandkid.
Or something.
The first time I watched it, when Grave couldn't draw the sword, I literally said "don't you DARE let the whiny wussy monk get the final battle!"
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Man I gotta see this! With you! And a large bottle of tequila!
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I need to own this.
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WHAT
And also:
WHAT
(this looks like it may trump even Ator as most awesomely bad fantasy movie of all time)
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You brought some laughter to this gloomy till night working day :D
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