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Death Trance Part Two
Herein commences the second part of the recap of the Death Trance movie of AWESOME.
Warning: we may be getting into a slight R rating here for a PHALLIC SWORD. I mean, moreso than usual.
We left our protagonist staring in horror at the empty platter that formerly held roast beast. I believe there was some more bar fu after that, because DUDE. At any rate, Grave, our hungry protagonist, and the small adorable EVIL child have gone camping. Grave is roasting some beast.
And attempts to eat it.
The child looks on hungrily.
Scene shift: the monk Captain Exposition, and Kuwabara and his hair are also camping.
In another part of the forest, the roast beast AWAKES, forcing Grave to drop it before he gets a bite.
Back to Captain Exposition, who's been banging on about the Goddess of Destruction, etc. etc. Kuwabara isn't listening and, frankly, neither is the audience because we are distracted by the SUBTEXT. And, then, so is Captain Exposition.
THE NEXT MORNING. Kuwabara does his hair.
Meanwhile, Captain Exposition finally takes a good look at the sword that the abbot with the eyebrows gave him. It looks eerily phallic.
And we get a flashback showing the abbot giving it to him with some sort of explanation that nobody bothers to listen to.
Kuwabara grabs Captain Exposition's penis...sword and tries to draw it. It won't come out of the sheath, so he tosses it back to Captain Exposition, declaring it useless.
Back to Grave. He's still dragging the coffin off to who-knows-where.
Kuwabara's COFFIN SENSE ... TINGLING.
That afternoon, Grave settles in for a nice nap, despite the fact that everyone else in the movie wants this magical wish-granting coffin.
On one side...
On the other...
"Well, fuck."
"Uh ... my coffin is moving..."
Gosh, it's all the guys from the bar that he inexplicably failed to kill! And the small adorable EVIL child is heading off with them!
Time for some ass-kicking.
Note that Grave never actually draws his sword. This is important.
Plot sense ... tingling!
Captain Exposition watches in confuzzlement as a Mysterious and Portentious White Feather drifts downward...
Yuri appears! And grabs Captain Exposition's penis ... sword. She attempts to draw it, can't, asks Captain Exposition if he can draw it, he can't. Yuri then tells him that The One hasn't awoken yet, and that she will just keep the penis-sword for now thank you very much, because the plot, such as it is, requires that it get to a place where Captain Exposition isn't.
Back to the fight. MOTORCYCLE FU!
The ninja are SNEEKY LIKE NINJA and start to steal the coffin while everyone is distracted by the fight, thus showing some actual sense.
To no avail! Kuwabara and his hair are here!
WE NINJA. WE FIGHT YOU.
"...Dipsticks. I HAVE A GUN"
"...Well, fuck."
Grave easily takes over the motorcycle and continues with the motorcycle fu.
Meanwhile, Kuwabara heads off with the ninja on a chain, the coffin, and the small adorable EVIL child.
Having dispatched his enemies, Grave heads back to the place where he left the coffin, to find instead Captain Exposition. Grave gives a couple of "Oh fuck" faces, but is distracted by his hunger and demands food from the monk. Eventually they work out that Captain Exposition is looking for a man with a coffin, and that Grave used to be the man with the coffin but now they are looking for another man with the coffin and set off in a completely random direction. It really doesn't seem to bother Captain Exposition that Grave killed all his brother monks and his abbot and his abbot's eyebrows.
The small adorable EVIL child unnerves Kuwabara enough that he gives her the doll he has hanging from his belt to make her GO AWAY. She doesn't, but she likes the doll.
At one point Grave decks Captain Exposition for banging on about the Goddess of Destruction. He's still of the opinion that the coffin grants wishes, as is everyone else in the story. Hearing the true story from a monk from the temple where it's kept only increases the conviction that the monk is completely wrong and that rumor is correct. Captain Exposition's innate weeniness pretty much convinces everyone that he can't possibly be telling the truth.
The coffin parade continues.
Then ... out of the mysterious mist that appeared a moment before, steps ... Yuri!
Who overwhelms Kuwabara easily.
She spots the small child.
Who does her best to look innocent.
Yuri raises her sword, and...
...KNOCKS THE DOLL TO THE GROUNDin order that Kuwabara gets it back for a later scene.
Coffin Sense Tingling!
Yuri takes the penis-sword and starts banging on the coffin ... presumably to try to destroy it, although I'm actually sort of vague on her reasons for doing so in this scene, as she thinks the Goddess of Destruction is in there.
The small adorable EVIL child does not like this at all.
GRAVE TO THE RESCUE!
...And there we will stop part 2. Part 3 coming!
Warning: we may be getting into a slight R rating here for a PHALLIC SWORD. I mean, moreso than usual.
We left our protagonist staring in horror at the empty platter that formerly held roast beast. I believe there was some more bar fu after that, because DUDE. At any rate, Grave, our hungry protagonist, and the small adorable EVIL child have gone camping. Grave is roasting some beast.
And attempts to eat it.
The child looks on hungrily.
Scene shift: the monk Captain Exposition, and Kuwabara and his hair are also camping.
In another part of the forest, the roast beast AWAKES, forcing Grave to drop it before he gets a bite.
Back to Captain Exposition, who's been banging on about the Goddess of Destruction, etc. etc. Kuwabara isn't listening and, frankly, neither is the audience because we are distracted by the SUBTEXT. And, then, so is Captain Exposition.
THE NEXT MORNING. Kuwabara does his hair.
Meanwhile, Captain Exposition finally takes a good look at the sword that the abbot with the eyebrows gave him. It looks eerily phallic.
And we get a flashback showing the abbot giving it to him with some sort of explanation that nobody bothers to listen to.
Kuwabara grabs Captain Exposition's penis...sword and tries to draw it. It won't come out of the sheath, so he tosses it back to Captain Exposition, declaring it useless.
Back to Grave. He's still dragging the coffin off to who-knows-where.
Kuwabara's COFFIN SENSE ... TINGLING.
That afternoon, Grave settles in for a nice nap, despite the fact that everyone else in the movie wants this magical wish-granting coffin.
On one side...
On the other...
"Well, fuck."
"Uh ... my coffin is moving..."
Gosh, it's all the guys from the bar that he inexplicably failed to kill! And the small adorable EVIL child is heading off with them!
Time for some ass-kicking.
Note that Grave never actually draws his sword. This is important.
Plot sense ... tingling!
Captain Exposition watches in confuzzlement as a Mysterious and Portentious White Feather drifts downward...
Yuri appears! And grabs Captain Exposition's penis ... sword. She attempts to draw it, can't, asks Captain Exposition if he can draw it, he can't. Yuri then tells him that The One hasn't awoken yet, and that she will just keep the penis-sword for now thank you very much, because the plot, such as it is, requires that it get to a place where Captain Exposition isn't.
Back to the fight. MOTORCYCLE FU!
The ninja are SNEEKY LIKE NINJA and start to steal the coffin while everyone is distracted by the fight, thus showing some actual sense.
To no avail! Kuwabara and his hair are here!
WE NINJA. WE FIGHT YOU.
"...Dipsticks. I HAVE A GUN"
"...Well, fuck."
Grave easily takes over the motorcycle and continues with the motorcycle fu.
Meanwhile, Kuwabara heads off with the ninja on a chain, the coffin, and the small adorable EVIL child.
Having dispatched his enemies, Grave heads back to the place where he left the coffin, to find instead Captain Exposition. Grave gives a couple of "Oh fuck" faces, but is distracted by his hunger and demands food from the monk. Eventually they work out that Captain Exposition is looking for a man with a coffin, and that Grave used to be the man with the coffin but now they are looking for another man with the coffin and set off in a completely random direction. It really doesn't seem to bother Captain Exposition that Grave killed all his brother monks and his abbot and his abbot's eyebrows.
The small adorable EVIL child unnerves Kuwabara enough that he gives her the doll he has hanging from his belt to make her GO AWAY. She doesn't, but she likes the doll.
At one point Grave decks Captain Exposition for banging on about the Goddess of Destruction. He's still of the opinion that the coffin grants wishes, as is everyone else in the story. Hearing the true story from a monk from the temple where it's kept only increases the conviction that the monk is completely wrong and that rumor is correct. Captain Exposition's innate weeniness pretty much convinces everyone that he can't possibly be telling the truth.
The coffin parade continues.
Then ... out of the mysterious mist that appeared a moment before, steps ... Yuri!
Who overwhelms Kuwabara easily.
She spots the small child.
Who does her best to look innocent.
Yuri raises her sword, and...
...KNOCKS THE DOLL TO THE GROUND
Coffin Sense Tingling!
Yuri takes the penis-sword and starts banging on the coffin ... presumably to try to destroy it, although I'm actually sort of vague on her reasons for doing so in this scene, as she thinks the Goddess of Destruction is in there.
The small adorable EVIL child does not like this at all.
GRAVE TO THE RESCUE!
...And there we will stop part 2. Part 3 coming!
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Isn't this only about 30 minutes in so far?
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OTOH, they're really heading towards the Area of the Final Confrontation right about now. It's just the long action scenes that stretch the rest of the movie to an hour. XD
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