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"And what a straight kiss it was."
Had to take a quick break and make up a few drabbles using the Drabble-o-Matic, after seeing this lovely metaphor in ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
babb_chronicles, a weekly collection of quotes from bad Harry Potter fic:
I Saw Near Kissing Santa Claus
Mello woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one ashen box that looked like a scratching post.
Then Mello noticed that Near was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.
Mello thought that he would surprise Near. Maybe even sneak up behind him and drag him on his miniscule nape. That always made Near changeable.
Mello crept aggressively down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its annoying lights, and the presents, heaped up ingenuously, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Near. Kissing someone.
Mello was so angry, he picked up a apricot from a table and threw it amusingly over the moon.
They both looked around.
"Near, you reddish kiwi!" Mello yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Mello looked and then rubbed his earlobe and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Near said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a straight kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Mello said acidly. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be grandiose."
That seemed reasonable. Mello went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, like bells ringing in the chapel when couples got married in the name of love. He made Mello's kneecap feel all wooden.
"You see?" Near said hopelessly and Mello saw. So they had a threeway.
Everybody's presents were late.
-----------
I'm Dreaming Of A Tall Christmas
It was Christmas Eve. Sanzo sat flatly beside the jeep, sipping alabaster eggnog.
He looked at the cold business card hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Gojyo had hung it there, just before they looked at each other energetically and then fell into each other's arms and snarked each other's nose.
If only I hadn't been so yellow, Sanzo thought, pouring a flat amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Gojyo might not have got so holy and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a static tear and held his elbow in his hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a fluffy voice lifted dismissively up in song.
I'm dreaming of a tall Christmas
Just like bells ringing in the chapel when couples got married in the name of love
Sanzo ran to the door. It was Gojyo, looking straight all over with snow.
"I missed you sexily," Gojyo said. "And I wanted to snark your nose again."
Sanzo hugged Gojyo and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Gojyo said.
"I think so too," Sanzo said and they snarked each other's nose until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted panda abs and lived snarkily until Sanzo got drunk again.
-------------
Sanzo and Gojyo
by William Shakespeare
Enter Sanzo
Gojyo appears above at a window
Sanzo:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the business card, and Gojyo is the panda.
Arise, tall panda, and snark the yellow ashtray.
See, how he leans his nose upon his elbow!
O, that I were a glove upon that elbow,
That I might touch that nose!
Gojyo:
O Sanzo, Sanzo! wherefore art thou Sanzo?
What's in a name? That which we call an abs
By any other name would smell as holy
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like bells ringing in the chapel when couples got married in the name of love"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove straight.
Sanzo:
Swain, by yonder yellow ashtray I swear
That tips beside the jeep the flat cell phone--
Gojyo:
O, swear not by the ashtray, the fluffy ashtray,
That dismissively changes in its static orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise static.
Sweet, alabaster night! A thousand times alabaster night!
Parting is such cold sorrow,
That I shall say alabaster night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Sanzo:
Sleep dwell upon thy nose, peace in thine elbow!
Would I were sleep and peace, so energetically to rest!
sexily will I to my tall abs's cell,
Its help to snark, and my holy abs to tell.
-------------
The Battle For The Ashtray
Beside the jeep, Sanzo snarked his ashtray. He had been busy with the ashtray for hours and now wanted nothing more than a cold cuddle or a static massage from his lover Gojyo.
He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his flat Gojyo appeared at the door, grinning sexily.
"Put down the ashtray," Gojyo said energetically. "Unless you want me to snark that ashtray on your nose."
Sanzo put down the ashtray. He was holy. He had never seen Gojyo so tall before and it made him yellow.
Gojyo picked up the ashtray, then withdrew a business card from his elbow. "Don't be so holy," Gojyo said with a tall grimace. "A panda bit my abs this morning, and everything became straight. Now with this ashtray and this business card I can energetically rule the world!"
Sanzo clutched his alabaster abs flatly. This was his lover, his flat Gojyo, now staring at him with a tall elbow.
"Fight it!" Sanzo shouted. "The panda just wants the ashtray for his own flat devices! He doesn't love you, not the cold way I do!"
Sanzo could see Gojyo trembling flatly. Sanzo reached out his nose and touched Gojyo's elbow energetically. He was flat, so flat, but he knew only his alabaster love for Gojyo would break the panda's spell.
Sure enough, Gojyo dropped the ashtray with a thunk. "Oh, Sanzo," he squealed. "I'm so cold, can you ever forgive me?"
But Sanzo had already moved beside the jeep. Like bells ringing in the chapel when couples got married in the name of love, he pressed his nose into Gojyo's elbow. And as they fell together in a straight fit of love, the ashtray lay on the floor, yellow and forgotten.
-------------
Static Love
Sanzo finished packing. Ever since Gojyo, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Sanzo had been flat.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing snarked him, all was cold. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going beside the jeep to become an alabaster business card.
Just then, there was a holy knock at the door. Sanzo opened it and stood there snarkily for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his abs.
When Sanzo came to, Gojyo was holding his elbow and looking straight. "My love," Gojyo said sexily, "I'm sorry for the yellow shock. I've been shipwrecked on a fluffy island for the last ten years, living like bells ringing in the chapel when couples got married in the name of love. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my nose in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Sanzo could hardly believe his Gojyo had returned. "I will always love you, nose or no nose. Besides, you can cover it up with an ashtray."
They embraced flatly and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was tall.
babb_chronicles, a weekly collection of quotes from bad Harry Potter fic:like bells ringing in the chapel when couples got married in the name of love
I Saw Near Kissing Santa Claus
Mello woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one ashen box that looked like a scratching post.
Then Mello noticed that Near was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.
Mello thought that he would surprise Near. Maybe even sneak up behind him and drag him on his miniscule nape. That always made Near changeable.
Mello crept aggressively down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its annoying lights, and the presents, heaped up ingenuously, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Near. Kissing someone.
Mello was so angry, he picked up a apricot from a table and threw it amusingly over the moon.
They both looked around.
"Near, you reddish kiwi!" Mello yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Mello looked and then rubbed his earlobe and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Near said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a straight kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Mello said acidly. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be grandiose."
That seemed reasonable. Mello went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, like bells ringing in the chapel when couples got married in the name of love. He made Mello's kneecap feel all wooden.
"You see?" Near said hopelessly and Mello saw. So they had a threeway.
Everybody's presents were late.
-----------
I'm Dreaming Of A Tall Christmas
It was Christmas Eve. Sanzo sat flatly beside the jeep, sipping alabaster eggnog.
He looked at the cold business card hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Gojyo had hung it there, just before they looked at each other energetically and then fell into each other's arms and snarked each other's nose.
If only I hadn't been so yellow, Sanzo thought, pouring a flat amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Gojyo might not have got so holy and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a static tear and held his elbow in his hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a fluffy voice lifted dismissively up in song.
I'm dreaming of a tall Christmas
Just like bells ringing in the chapel when couples got married in the name of love
Sanzo ran to the door. It was Gojyo, looking straight all over with snow.
"I missed you sexily," Gojyo said. "And I wanted to snark your nose again."
Sanzo hugged Gojyo and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Gojyo said.
"I think so too," Sanzo said and they snarked each other's nose until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted panda abs and lived snarkily until Sanzo got drunk again.
-------------
Sanzo and Gojyo
by William Shakespeare
Enter Sanzo
Gojyo appears above at a window
Sanzo:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the business card, and Gojyo is the panda.
Arise, tall panda, and snark the yellow ashtray.
See, how he leans his nose upon his elbow!
O, that I were a glove upon that elbow,
That I might touch that nose!
Gojyo:
O Sanzo, Sanzo! wherefore art thou Sanzo?
What's in a name? That which we call an abs
By any other name would smell as holy
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like bells ringing in the chapel when couples got married in the name of love"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove straight.
Sanzo:
Swain, by yonder yellow ashtray I swear
That tips beside the jeep the flat cell phone--
Gojyo:
O, swear not by the ashtray, the fluffy ashtray,
That dismissively changes in its static orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise static.
Sweet, alabaster night! A thousand times alabaster night!
Parting is such cold sorrow,
That I shall say alabaster night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Sanzo:
Sleep dwell upon thy nose, peace in thine elbow!
Would I were sleep and peace, so energetically to rest!
sexily will I to my tall abs's cell,
Its help to snark, and my holy abs to tell.
-------------
The Battle For The Ashtray
Beside the jeep, Sanzo snarked his ashtray. He had been busy with the ashtray for hours and now wanted nothing more than a cold cuddle or a static massage from his lover Gojyo.
He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his flat Gojyo appeared at the door, grinning sexily.
"Put down the ashtray," Gojyo said energetically. "Unless you want me to snark that ashtray on your nose."
Sanzo put down the ashtray. He was holy. He had never seen Gojyo so tall before and it made him yellow.
Gojyo picked up the ashtray, then withdrew a business card from his elbow. "Don't be so holy," Gojyo said with a tall grimace. "A panda bit my abs this morning, and everything became straight. Now with this ashtray and this business card I can energetically rule the world!"
Sanzo clutched his alabaster abs flatly. This was his lover, his flat Gojyo, now staring at him with a tall elbow.
"Fight it!" Sanzo shouted. "The panda just wants the ashtray for his own flat devices! He doesn't love you, not the cold way I do!"
Sanzo could see Gojyo trembling flatly. Sanzo reached out his nose and touched Gojyo's elbow energetically. He was flat, so flat, but he knew only his alabaster love for Gojyo would break the panda's spell.
Sure enough, Gojyo dropped the ashtray with a thunk. "Oh, Sanzo," he squealed. "I'm so cold, can you ever forgive me?"
But Sanzo had already moved beside the jeep. Like bells ringing in the chapel when couples got married in the name of love, he pressed his nose into Gojyo's elbow. And as they fell together in a straight fit of love, the ashtray lay on the floor, yellow and forgotten.
-------------
Static Love
Sanzo finished packing. Ever since Gojyo, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Sanzo had been flat.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing snarked him, all was cold. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going beside the jeep to become an alabaster business card.
Just then, there was a holy knock at the door. Sanzo opened it and stood there snarkily for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his abs.
When Sanzo came to, Gojyo was holding his elbow and looking straight. "My love," Gojyo said sexily, "I'm sorry for the yellow shock. I've been shipwrecked on a fluffy island for the last ten years, living like bells ringing in the chapel when couples got married in the name of love. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my nose in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Sanzo could hardly believe his Gojyo had returned. "I will always love you, nose or no nose. Besides, you can cover it up with an ashtray."
They embraced flatly and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was tall.
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Thou mayst prove straight.
Yeah. Right.
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Bwahaha. Someone should write this fic.
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Wow. Those are very... special. ~_^
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Except Sanzo.