Some balding older man tried to pick me up in the coffee shop this morning (I was studying, I had earplugs in and everything). He tried to start a conversation with me and asked if I was a student at the local university. I said, no, I'm a med student.

Now, I didn't want this old guy to hang around, but as soon as I said that, he was off and out the door quicker than you could say butternut squash.

"I'm a med student" must actually mean "I'm really a man". Or "I bite the heads off of chickens."

Pro-tip for the ladies. If you want them to leave you alone, tell them you're pursuing higher education. And then say butternut squash.