telophase | (no subject)

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Yay, something went right! I called DirecTV to inquire as to why I was being billed for HBO, Starz, and Showtime when I'd never ordered them. Turns out that I'd been given them free for three months for some reason* and then it started automatically billing. But she was very nice and removed them and credited me with the three months' worth of billing, taxes, and fees I was behind on because of this** and All should be Well. Hopefully.

* Between the CSR's accent and my lousy connection, I wasn't quite able to figure out why.

** I have to use automatic bill pay, otherwise I never actually pay bills, thanks to the ADD. Also thanks to the ADD, I don't check the bills every month. I'd set up an automatic monthly payment for the amount I should be paying to go to them, so I wasn't automatically overpaying, just getting more and more behind in the bill each month. But it's all taken care of now. I shall endeavor to remember to check that is the case next month.

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We need to talk about this. I just got diagnosed - as in last week. I'm almost 42 and I'm freaked out. I've been doing the same thing for YEARS and I always saw it as a personal failing. How the HELL do you cope?

Sanzo is flicking off the ADD, BTW.

How the HELL do you cope?

In some cases: not very well. I'm still struggling at work, for instance, because I don't deal well with things that have nebulous deadlines.

Finances: my bank (USAA! I recommend them! No fees for checks or accounts and they refund $15 worth of ATM fees each month) allows me to set up an unlimited number of checking and savings accounts. My paycheck is deposited into my primary checking account, and an automatic $100 goes into savings within a couple of days, and the amount I need for non-fixed expenses (food, gas, books, etc.) goes into a secondary checking account for which I carry a debit card. Everything that I can pay with an automatic deduction, I do, and USAA is spiffy enough that for no extra fee they will cut a check and mail it to any other creditor. My boyfriend holds my credit card - part of my ADD symptoms is poor impulse control, which includes spending. He's got instructions to give it to me without question when I ask for it, because the need to trudge to his apartment up three flights of stairs and get it is enough to keep me from impulsively spending with it.

I ahve a separate account for the Project BLue Rose and associated books, because part of that money belongs to Rachel and part of it goes back in publishing the books, so I need not to touch it. And an account for my art stuff, so I can use it to buy supplies, keep the profits, and save for taxes. (I also have the school take an extra amount of money out of my check for taxes - with the art, I can't predict if I'll need to pay them or not by the end of the year.)

Work: this includes "real" work for my job and art stuff and other projects - I need to get myself into a hyperfocus state to really do anything. If I manage to get started on a project, I'll usually hyperfocus (sometimes to my detriment, as I won't stop to, say, eat) unless it's especially boring, but getting started is hard. THis is where my iPod comes in, and when my previous one died last year I had NO problem slapping down the credit card for another one. Music in my ears - often boring ambient stuff that doens't distract me itself - helps me narrow my focus on a project in front of me. TV does NOT help. XD For cleaning, long-distance driving, and doing art: podcasts and audiobooks. They engage my brain enough to keep from getting bored, and the bonus is that if I finish a task (washing dishes, say) and the podcast is not over, I'll keep working on other tasks to finish it, because I can't listen to things and just sit there.

I'm on Strattera, which helps a bit. The psychiatric nurse I see last time suggested going in for the full test which would allow me to try Ritalin, which I might like better - it might give me stronger focus on immediate tasks. My huge problem is getting hyperfocused on the wrong thing - right now I'm updating podcasts and writing to you instead of writing Yuletide. :D But the podcasts jsut finished, my dinner is almost ready, and I plan on listening to boring music and writing as soon as I've fed myself.

Also GETTING SLEEP. If I'm sleep-deprived, the ADD is almost uncontrollable. Same with migraines (whicha re also triggered by lack of sleep). Moving closer to work has been the #1 factor in helping this, since I can sleep til 7 AM.

Poor-impulse-control things like eating junk food - problem solved by not buying it (something I fail at, as I tend to buy it anyway).

myrialux can eat just one or two mini peanut butter cups and be perfectly fine - I have to devour half a bag if I get one taste. :/ A strategy that has worked for that in the past is buying only very expensive chocolate - I can eat all I want of the bar that costs $12 for 10 ounces. It keeps me from eating so much if I can tie it to OMG $10!

I think the feeling that I'm somehow a failure for not managing to do things correctly will never go away, though. :/

You're freaking me out. I have SUCH similar problems. Of course I'm a fucking TEACHER so I have to do the hyperfocus 8 hours a day/ 40 days a week so when I'm home I sort of wander around. I usually have a clock watcher student who will let me know when there are 5 minutes left of class so I can tell everybody to close their books up and get ready to go.

I'm also in the unenviable task of trying to deal with people who have ADD or are teenagers and can't control themselves. I'm supposed to understand THEM when I feel like I'm hanging on by my fingernails.

I know when I'm low seratonin I'm unmanageable. I have no idea where the time goes and no clue as to where it went.

I see things that I have to do and I freeze like a bunny in the headlights.

I had to cancel my credit card because I would USE it constantly. For some reason writing checks slows me down because OMG! the money seems more real.

I pay everything on line and have repeatedly fucked up my car insurance because they won't take it out automatically and it varies from month to month. The only thing I write a check for is my rent - and that's usually a day or so late.

I have to get up at 6 to be at school by 7:30. I need half an hour to drink coffee and read the internet before I can even function in the morning.

I've been harassed all my life by my mother for some of the things that seem to be part of the ADD - impulse control, hyperfocus, spiralling thoughts, and inability to perform mundane tasks. You don't know what kind of hell I go through trying to get my laundry away, let alone grading schoolwork!

I can also eat an entire bag of Doritos at one sitting.

I'm glad to know I'm not an utter freak and I'm not grouped in with antsy 14 year old boys!

My mom thinks she has ADD to an extent, too, though not as bad as me. She was a teacher and dealt with it by standing up to teach - the physical movement helped keep her on task.

I also am realizing that if I want to get work done at work, I can't sit down and read email and LJ in the morning, because whatever I do the first hour of the day seems to set the tone - if I don't get to work, then I have a hard time getting into it.

I've been harassed all my life by my mother for some of the things that seem to be part of the ADD - impulse control, hyperfocus, spiralling thoughts, and inability to perform mundane tasks. You don't know what kind of hell I go through trying to get my laundry away, let alone grading schoolwork!

YES, THAT. It took me years to work out that I needed the structure of several bank accounts and hiding money away from myself to work, because Mom insisted that I didn't need to do that, just budget sensibly. Aaargh! I never learned to study, and relied on my innate smarts and ability to BS to get through school and grad school. I also can recall only ONE time when I got a paper done before the night before it was due. (I worked out that it took me about 1 hour or research and writing per page, so a 10-page paper would take me 10 hours to do. A major help when procrastinating to know the dead last minute to start!)

Physical activity seems to help. If I get on the stationary bike every day for 20 minutes, then my overall brain static seems to calm down some. Of course, the damn problem is GETTING ON THE BIKE. I've been out of the habit for months, and it shows. Like starting on work at work, I need to get on the bike as soon as I come home from work, or I'm just not getting on it.

*casts eyes at unwashed dishes, clean laundry on the bedroom floor, dirty laundry on the bathroom floor, and trash not taken out* Er.

Also, I was a TA for two quarters during my first stint in grad school and I sucked ass at it, because I couldn't force myself to prepare for class and because I can't do anything resembling improvisation in front of people - I ahve to script out every last word to say. And I wasn't up to writing a 45-minute talk every week. :/ It was a discussion section meant to supplement the prof's lectures, not a lecture class, but still.

ETA: ALSO ... eating non-wheat things for breakfast seems to help with the brainfog in the mornings. It might be having fewer carbs and more protein instead of an all-carb breakfast like a bagel or cereal that's really doing it, but things seem a little bit easier if I cut the carbs at breakfast. Not that I can do that easily, as breakfast proteins availalbe on campus seem to lean heavily towards the dairy and I've got lactose intolerance. :/

I needed the structure of several bank accounts

I'm going to have to try that. It sounds brilliant. My bank *BankAmerica - the One Bank to Rule them All* will do similar things.

I use a LOT of paper plates to cicumvent the dishes thing. Gatz gets fed on paper plates and I use plastic forks for his kitty food. He doesn't seem to care.

My therapist reccomends more protein.

Fortunatly, my lactose intolerance is milk/ice cream only so I eat a LOT of yogurt and cheese.

Mooo.

I just hate feeling incompetent most of the time. I'm lucky enough to be good in front of the class and I'm a run around the room kind of teacher so that's good.

I can't imagine exercise. I have enough trouble remembering the other things I have to do!

Between your therapist and my anecdotal evidence, maybe I'll go have a steak tonight!

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(no subject)

I never actually pay bills, thanks to the ADD.

Re: I never actually pay bills, thanks to the ADD.

somehow a failure for not managing to do things correctly will never go away, though

Re: somehow a failure for not managing to do things correctly will never go away, though

Re: somehow a failure for not managing to do things correctly will never go away, though

Re: somehow a failure for not managing to do things correctly will never go away, though

Protein

Re: Protein