telophase: (Default)
telophase ([personal profile] telophase) wrote2017-05-18 11:43 am
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In which Murderface 2.0 breaks the game

I said I wouldn’t be writing every session up, and I won’t be, but you get this session written up because Murderface McKenzie 2.0 accidentally broke Skyrim and it was hilarious. Well, to me, at least.

He didn’t break the entire game, just one quest. And who knows (or cares) if it was due to a mod I’ve got or just a bug I managed to find.

It started off innocently enough--at the end of the previous session Murderface ran into a quest that didn’t produce a quest marker in his inventory. Toby looked it up and helped me stick a custom marker on the map in the general area of the cave so I could figure out where to start Murderface looking the next time I booted Skyrim up. And thus next time, I teleported Murderface nearby the custom marker and aimed him at the closest cave marker on the map.

One of the nice things about Skyrim is that dungeons have a quick exit near the end that opens into the outside or into an earlier part of the dungeon, so you don’t have to go all the way back through the passages you fought your way through to get out. The outside exits usually have a way to prevent you from entering: a barred door that can only be unlocked from the inside, a steep ledge to jump off to exit that you can’t jump up to enter, etc.

Naturally, the closest cave marker turned out to be an exit. It was an exit for a totally different cave that was part of Ironbind Barrow, but Murderface (coughIcough) had forgotten the name of the cave he was supposed to be looting (Hob's Fall Cave), so went on in.

To be confronted by what looked like a Blue Screen of Death, no matter which way he turned.

The above pic is looking back out the way he entered. I know it looks a bit like the sky, but trust me, there ought to have been mountains there.

Experimentally, I had Murderface take a step further into the cave entrance, and the game fixed itself, presenting him with a wooden door. He pushed the door, which obligingly swung open while at the same time presenting him with a message that the door was barred from the other side, but giving him the option to unbar the now-open door.

Shrugging, he did so and entered the dungeon from the back. He crept down the passage a bit and found a gate barring his way, but he could see a mobile skeleton through it and figured he'd see if he could kill any enemies so he wouldn't have to face them when he inevitably had to go back to the proper entrance to do the quest. He shot an arrow and took out not only that skeleton, but two more who heard the commotion and showed up.

Murderface looked around the gate half-heartedly and was surprised to find a chain pull that opened the gate. Huh.

While looting the skeletons, he heard the dulcet tones of a nearby word wall. He hasn't fought any dragons yet in this game, but he's run into a couple of word walls before, so he went over to investigate. This triggered the boss fight against a draugr warlord who, because Murderface is playing on Easy, only took a few arrows to die. He had a lot of good loot on him, as well as a nifty enchanted axe hanging on the back of his throne, and a nice loot chest nearby.

After triggering the word wall Murderface set forth to do the dungeon in reverse since he'd forgotten exactly what the thing was that he was supposed to get, but assumed it would present itself along the way. (As he was in the wrong cave, it wouldn't, but neither he nor I realized that.)

He crept through twisting tunnels, defeating undead enemies by shooting them in the back since they were prepared for adventurers to come in from the opposite door. In one room, he saw a grate set into the ceiling and a few minutes later, found the room above it, which had the grate in its floor.

Here is an enemy, a draugr, that died a few inches above the floor.

Murderface found an iron door that could be opened with a lever from the back, which opened onto a room with another door on the opposite end a pedestal supporting an enchanted helmet. He grabbed the helmet and stumbled a few steps backwards as the pedestal's top rose up, triggering a rather slow spear trap (thank you Easy setting) and triggering the iron door he'd just come into the room by to close. Shrugging, he went on out the other door, at the entrance of the room.

Eventually he could progress no further: he found a metal grate set into a doorway with no corresponding lever or pull-chain on his side. It was significantly farther than he expected to get. He turned and retraced his steps. He got a bit worried when entering the room with the pedestal, not knowing if he could re-trigger it, but jumping on the pedestal and immediately jumping off again to avoid the slow spear trap worked, and the exit door swung open.

In the room with the grate in the floor, he found a pull chain he hadn't seen on the first trip and experimentally pulled it, to see if it would trigger the unopenable door-grate. It didn't, instead opening up the grate in the floor.

Murderface continued to pick his way out of the cavern, and exited into the cool mountain air. It took him a while to find the entrance, especially as he was nearby this pass, and spent some time exploring the walkways, as the location was quite pretty.

After some bumbling around, he eventually found the entrance to Ironbind Barrow. He also found Salma, a Redguard woman in armor, exhorting an Argonian (lizard people) mage that they should get going into the barrow and get that treasure! Lizard-Bob counseled caution, but after Murderface told Salma he was going in there like it or not, they both joined him.

They ran ahead while Murderface crept, which means that they did all the work of slaying the frostbite spiders they encountered, while Murderface did all the work of looting them. They shortly came upon the grate that had stopped Murderface previously, and Lizard-Bob explained that there had to be a trigger that opened it somewhere around, but neither he nor Salma bothered to look for it, instead crouching in place, so that Murderface had to do all the work of strolling into a side room pulling the lever he found there.

The grate opened, and Salma and Lizard-Bob ran in. Murderface ran also at this point, wondering if the enemies would respawn and kind of hoping they would so he could re-loot them. His companions stopped short in the pedestal room, and Salma ogled the empty pedestal with a "Would you look at that!" and Lizard-Bob cautioned him about possible traps.

Instead of jumping on it, this time Murderface got somewhat smarter (he does learn. Slowly.) and shot an arrow at the pedestal, triggering the trap and opening the back door. Salma rushed on ahead, and they heard an "Ow!" as she fell through the open grate in the floor of the next room, which had not closed after Murderface opened it.

Lizard-Bob and Murderface continued on the traditional way and a seemingly unhurt Salma rejoined them when they reached the room below.

None of the enemies had respawned, and when they entered the ultimate chamber, with the draugr warlord and the word wall, only bones and the corpse of the draugr warlord remained. Lizard-Bob vanished as well. Salma ran over to the dais with the warlord's throne, crouched in ready position, brandishing her sword and shield. Murderface walked over to the warlord's corpse and poked it. Salam stayed in position. Murderface optimistically re-looted the warlord's body and for once it paid off: he'd spawned two black soul gems and another weapon (which I forget), which Murderface happily put into his inventory.

He crossed back over to Salma. Salma said "We should clear this room first, then grab the treasure!"

Murderface looked at the corpse. He looked back at Salma. Salma insisted they should clear the room again.

At this point, Murderface consulted the gods, i.e. I checked the Skyrim wiki. It turns out that if you don't break the quest, Lizard-Bob double-crosses Salma and the player character, explaining that he needs a blood sacrifice to absorb the dead warlord's power, and uses his magic to revive the warlord and you enter a second fight.

Obviously, this failed to happen. The wiki also explained that if you kill the draugr warlord and then immediately run back to the entrance of the cavern and back again to the final chamber, you can kill Lizard-Bob without the second fight, and Murderface figured that might trigger the proper sequences. Don't think he needed some sort of proper closure or anything like that--Murderface is used to things not making a whole lot of sense around him--it's that the wiki listed the loot Lizard-Bob carried and Murderface wanted that.

But he didn't want to trudge through the entire damn barrow again TWICE, so figured that leaving it by the shortcut and going back into the front might work. So he did that, exiting and teleporting to the entrance.

He entered and ran through the dungeon, finding Lizard-Bob holding a torch and placidly walking back to the front. Lizard-Bob's conversation triggers were the same as during the trek to the final boss, and showed no sign of treachery. Murderface experimentally shot an arrow into Lizard-Bob's back to see if that would trigger anything, but the only sign Lizard-Bob showed was that his health bar went down by half, and he continued his trek to the entrance.

Murderface followed him, and once Lizard-Bob got outside, his behavior went back to his outside set of actions--crouching by the fire they'd built, and then sitting on a rock--although his dialogue remained stuck on the trek dialogue.

Eventually Murderface got bored of this, crouched and waited until Lizard-Bob forgot he existed, then shot him with an arrow from cover (3x damage, baby!). Lizard-Bob flamed briefly and died, his body sinking into the earth. While Murderface stood there, disappointed that he wasn't going to get his loot after all, Salma ran out of the cave's entrance, crying, and ran down the mountain path. Intrigued, Murderface followed her. A while down the path, she stopped at a spot now occupied by Lizard-Bob's body, and expressed that she was stunned at this change in him, obviously responding to the dialogue and events that were supposed to have happened. Lizard-Bob had been a good friend of her father's and practically raised her, so she was shocked that he'd been planning on double-crossing her.

Murderface respectfully looted Lizard-Bob's body as Salma looked on.

When he talked to her one last time, she explained that she hadn't needed the treasure--which was good, because Murderface hadn't planned on giving any of it to her--because she was the daughter of a rich man. She'd just wanted adventure. But she needed to be alone for a while now.

So he left her to mourn the Lizard-Bob she thought she knew, and headed majestically off into the sunrise hoping to impress her like a mysterious protagonist in a story who comes into town, does a deed, and leaves without a word, before teleporting back to the person who'd given him the original quest and finding that he hadn't done the right quest after all.

Here's a nice vista he encountered a few minutes later, back in the frozen north, looking for the proper quest.

And here's an actual frozen mammoth!

When Murderface picked his way closer to the mammoth, it turned out to have several dwarven arrows stuck in it, which he was able to extract and add to his inventory. He took a closer picture. (man, I should have had him take a selfie!)

After this, he did find the correct cave and entered, finding the thing he needed (a letter on a corpse, it turned out) near the entrance, and turned it into the dude who needed it.

And at that point, I called it a night.

Next time: who knows? That was the session I played last night. :)

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