Oct. 28th, 2016 09:32 am
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So the remastered version of Skyrim is now out on the PS4. We bought it yesterday and let it download and install last night so I could play it today. It's also out on the PC, for free if you bought all the DLC previously, and Toby discovered it unlocked early so he started his FOURTH run. This time his character is specializing in one-handed weapons, but I predict she's going to end up a sneaky character doing one-handed because he always goes sneaky.

Anyway, I can't port my PS3 saves over, so it's bye-bye Murderface, alas. But given that I hadn't been playing him much because almost every time he went out he was attacked by an ancient dragon that was above his pay grade that killed him horribly, perhaps not much of a loss. Ah well.

The big question now is: what sort of character am I going to build for my new run? I shall not be writing it up because it was getting rather tedious to make notes while I was playing, so you're all spared that (unless something particularly funny happens). But do I go really sneaky, or go full tank? Do I play a paladin or an ass? Murderface's twin brother or someone completely opposite him? Let me know your opinions!

(Also I stopped playing Skyrim quite so much because I started a replay of Kingdom Hearts II in preparation for the release of KHIII, but hey.)
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I’m going to do something different for this look into Murderface’s life, by which I mean skipping ahead a couple of play sessions because I wanted to get this down while this extremely frustrating and hideously glitchy play session was still bright in my head.

Bonus: there are videos! Not-so-bonus: they’re filmed with my phone because I’m stuck on the PS3. FINGERS CROSSED I can port a PS3 save to the PS4 when the remastered version comes out, but I’m not holding my breath.

Anyway! Last time Murderface got married to the beauteous Sylgja because she didn’t run screaming from him at first sight, didn’t actively insult him, and seemed happy in his presence, which pretty much ruled out most of the rest of Skyrim’s population. Marriages have been made on worse grounds before. They’ve been settling in together, with a few hiccups here and there, until this, their first enormous challenge as a couple.

If you would like a portrait that perfectly encapsulates Murderface McKenzie’s (and my) rageface during this whole shebang, you can do no better than have a look at @ninjamonkeystudios’ Murderface marker portrait below the cut/jump/what-have-you:

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So, in our last session (which was actually part 1 of a long session I did one weekend), Murderface killed him a dragon, discovered he was the prophesied Dragonborn (whatever that was), learned to Shout, got handed YET ANOTHER stupid quest, and decided to throw it all in and get married.

But first!

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Last time, I promised that Murderface was going to make a momentous decision. He’s been doing a lot of deep thinking.

He’s always out running around Skyrim making money, hardly ever home, because dungeons just don’t loot themselves. He got his family out of Whiterun after overhearing Jarl Asshat’s plans for invasion, but the lakeside manor keeps getting attacked by giants and bandits. He’s on his third horse already, thanks to bandits! (I note that the coachman and the coachman’s horse sit placidly by and never get attacked...Murderface should probably consider what that may mean.)

Housecarl Valdimar’s pretty good at defending the place and Murderface’s daughters are charmingly bloodthirsty, but still there’s only so much one housecarl can do to protect two girls, three chickens, a cow, and a horse when multiple bandits attack. And what of times when Valdimar has to go into town for supplies? And once the girls get a little older, there’s maybe going to be...girl stuff, right? Women’s mysteries? Murderface is pretty sure that there’s a whole world there he’s unfamiliar with and doesn’t understand and maybe he should really outsource that particular education. And finally, he hasn’t been getting a whole lot of action with his current setup, despite trying his best. Women of Skyrim historically haven’t responded well to his signature moves of bumping into them and trapping them against counters, staring at them mutely, jumping up and down on their tables, and reverse-pickpocketing items into their inventories.

So Murderface has finally looked facts squarely in the face, and made what might be the toughest, scariest decision of his life.

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Right! So it’s been about two weeks since I last posted a Murderface writeup, and that’s because it’s been about two weeks since I played, having been working on other projects. But I have not forgotten Murderface! You won’t escape that easily!

Last time, Murderface did part 1 of a 3-part quest to hunt down the three parts of the legendary Amulet of Galdur, an artifact so powerful associated with a dude so evil that after his death, the amulet was broken into three parts and hidden around Skyrim, guarded by the watchful undead bound to their task forevermore. Murderface figured that it might sell for a few gold.

This time: Murderface goes to school!

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  • Oh! The arterial spray!
  • You can try to take that Pepsi challenge, but I already did. As [a friend of ours] says, don't start none, won't be none. Except I always win.
  • No blood to spill today? Looks like you got plenty!
  • Let's play Pin the Bullet on the Super Mutant. Fun for the whole family!
  • You don't need that leg...oh ho ho! He flew!
  • Fine! I'll just shoot you in the leg, then! You don't need that knee.
  • Is that a freakin glowing skull? That's not creepy at all. I can't pick it up. Damn.
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Come on, I'm shooting a laser! You gotta know where I'm at!

Why am I carrying around the Massachusetts Medical Journal?

Ooh a fisherman's hat with lures on it!

You lose some of the creepiness of the fog with that weird horizontal artifact. Oh, wait, it's the ocean.

[when an event fails to trigger so the characters stand around in a tableau instead of conversing] Anyone? Hello? Can I stand on the Child of Atom? Not for lack of trying! See my hair? Admire it! Are you admiring it?

[to a fussy robot] You sound like my grandmother.

Shoot him in the butt! And it launches him! He gets air!

It's your own fault for falling down that I get to shoot you in the head.

I'll make you carry this shit, Nick. I'll shove it into your inventory.
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I’m IN POWER ARMOR, homes.

YES! In the face!

Come on dude, figure it out. Your buddy’s dead. You’re smarter than that. Bye!

*cackles madly* I love it when their heads come off!

[after targeting a wolf identified as Vicious Wolf] I’m going to adopt a wolf and name it Sid. Where’d he go? Come on, Sid! *shoots, laughs* Spinning head! Huh. For some reason the wolf has pre-war money.

*evil laugh* Point-blank in the face! Wait, why are you on fire? Why am *I* on fire??

Whoa! Okay, you’re named. Suck it!

Is this how you want to end? Cause I can make that happen. Oh, I did make that happen.

Really? You see what I did to your friends? Evidently not.

*high-pitched giggle*

Oh! In the crotch! I’m kinda sorry about that, dude. But not much.

Just for that I’m going to shoot your legs. Oops, I was only able to do one.

Why do you have nuclear material on you? That’s really not healthy.

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