telophase: (Default)
telophase ([personal profile] telophase) wrote2017-01-01 10:22 pm

So we went to see Assassin's Creed...

I was there for kicking ass and looking good but unfortunately there was way too much ass.

Seriously, who takes a look at the Assassin's Creed video game and decides to structure a movie around THE MOST BORING PART OF THE GAME? And if I said "Assassin's Creed movie" to you, wouldn't you expect it to open with a giant set piece involving tons of action? Instead, it's like 20 minutes of poorly-lit random crap happening that's never explained very well before you even get to any Assassin/Templar fight scenes.

I highly recommend watching Velayudham, the Bollywood Tamil ripoff of Assassin's Creed. It's 2.5 hours of violence alternating with slapstick comedy and WTFery in that way that only the Indian film industries can do.

Not to mention that it far outshines the Hollywood version in one VERY IMPORTANT ASPECT:


DOUBLE AIR ASSASSINATIONS

Velayudham
Assassin's Creed (2016)
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karanguni: (Default)

[personal profile] karanguni 2017-01-02 04:41 am (UTC)(link)
HAHAHA THIS BASICALLY REPLICATES MY RANT after a friend dragged me to go see it. God above SO SHITTY.
jenna_thorn: T-Rex holding a teddy bear (dinobear)

DVDs in the sale bin.

[personal profile] jenna_thorn 2017-01-03 01:56 am (UTC)(link)
Well, drat, that's disappointing, as the kid and i were looking forward to seeing it.

So we'll wait and see it when it's cheap. Thanks for the heads up.
jenna_thorn: text: oh you young things and your illegible fonts (feeling old)

Re: DVDs in the sale bin.

[personal profile] jenna_thorn 2017-01-08 11:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Ah yes, modern cinematography, where the soundtrack cues you as to whether the shadow on a dark screen are in combat or having a romantic moment.

[identity profile] sartorias.livejournal.com 2017-01-02 04:45 am (UTC)(link)
I would LOVE to watch it, but it's not on Netflix, and costs a ridiculous amount. (My son took me to Assassin's Creed yesterday as my Christmas present. He loved it.)

[identity profile] telophase.livejournal.com 2017-01-02 04:52 am (UTC)(link)
I will mail you our copy if you send it back when done! :D It should be seen by more people! If you're up for it, email me an address I can send it to at telophase14 (at) gmail (dot) com and I will get it out sometime in the next few days. :)

I bought it for our annual Bad Movie Showing at a party friends show and it ended up being--while not good--an excellent experience, if you get my meaning.

(And all you really need to know about Assassin's Creed to watch it is that the fight choreographer and the costume designer obviously played the game.)

[identity profile] sartorias.livejournal.com 2017-01-02 01:40 pm (UTC)(link)
I don't dare borrow anything in this house of chaos. Maybe it'll show up on Netflix! But thanks for offering.
ext_6977: (Queen of Hearts)

[identity profile] viridian5.livejournal.com 2017-01-02 06:49 am (UTC)(link)
When I saw the commercials, I wondered how they got that out of the Assassin's Creed series.

[identity profile] telophase.livejournal.com 2017-01-03 03:35 am (UTC)(link)
"You know what I find intriguing about this game? The relationship between the protagonist and his father! Let's make an art-house flick of it!" Sigh.